Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Fake friends are like shadows: always near you at your brightest moments, but nowhere to be seen at your darkest hour True friends are like stars, you don't always see them but they are always there. Going to one of my oldest freinds once agian to bring his son something for his birthday last Friday was pretty fucking cool. The gift harkened back to me and his dad's old days haunting the downtown arcades, things that are one of my few good memories growing up, the fact that new freinds were made and me and a very old freind had time to chill watching them was cool. It sucks there is still a missing part of the equation, but that will come soon enough but for now, this was a little price of normality the way things should be, there's no question even tho I am a hard man to have as a good freind that this man has my back unconditionally and has since we were kids. It was pretty fucking awesome to just hang out and have a kids night out and spend time there celebrating his

The Three Laws, quoted as being from the "Handbook of Robotics, 56th Edition, 2058 A.D.", are: 1.A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. 2.A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. 3.A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws. How the flying fuck does an eleven year old know asimovs three laws of robotics in a real world working capacity? It's a defence mechanism and a serious clue that thanks to his mother that he does not live in the real world. I don't know what the future holds and there is a lot of anger and resentment and there are some serious things to consider in the long run, including a long road back but I have no illusions and made it very clear I'll never stop fighting for my son, but my illusions have been shattered, there's not an expectatio

Have you forgotten, or have you just chose to forget, that the house that the devil lives in, I built!? Brick by fiery brick! And when I come calling, the devil still answers to me with "sir". Tic, Tick, Tick, the days are counting by, only a few days remain... another few weeks and then you, who have forced me to feel the fire for so long will get to feel my black flames returned on you, only the difference even tho i Am full of darkness and angry rage, My fire that drives me is not one of vengeance or one of revenge, everything that burns within me good and bad burns for a reason, for the only fucking pure thing in my life that i have fought for.. I fully accept the fact I'm a fucking Demon, but I'm The devil's favorite demon, I won't be sitting, broken in the circle of hell reserved for the worst of betrayers, I could care less about you betraying me, I'm used to the fact that since day one you have always had a knife in my back.. it's not me that

And she and I, we will take that guilt to our graves of whatever we did and didn’t do, or had to do, or failed to do... Another year passes for you of what's left of you're life, I only mark the occasion because in three weeks, the day after my birthday we go to war for good, and for real, theirs no hiding in your bullshit reality and you will be fucking undone. i don't expect things to end but I do expect to be somewhere else rather than the nothingness that we have now, too much precious time and blood have been stolen from us, and even at one point from you, but whatever sympathy at one time i had for you was eroded by your choice of actions over the past few years, you're own sins condemn you worse than anything i could have done, the blood is always going to be on your hands and you will be judged for your sins, I'm not the one that has to explain everything to a young man who is starting to come of age exactly why decisions were made in your life and his,

You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on. Never fucking let buisness become freindly, I'm sick of so called freinds with every excuse in the book either trying to take advantage or worse outright stealing from me. I'm fed up with it both on a personal and a professional level. It's very easy to fucking walk away from something when my heart is no longer in it at all. It's fucking sad that this thing that has sustained me for 3 years and saw the flames of battle on more than one occasion has become something I no longer give a rats ass about. I seem to have about a 2/3 year patience level for anything when it comes to employment and the sad part is that after that it becomes a burn out situation, I have long since been burnt out by the toy crap yet some how I limp along,

That's how it starts. The fever, the rage, the feeling of powerlessness that turns good men... cruel. I am in a very dark place for multiples of reasons and it's not going to get any better in the near future, the only things I can think about are anger, rage and hate. I have tried for most of my fucking life to use my own internal darkness and anger toward good ends but I have gotten to a fucking point to when the only thing left for me to use it for is to protect myself and my little boy, everyone else in this world at this point, I don't give a fuck about. It's time to close borders and show the world how fucking dark and angry I can be, there's nothing left in my immediate life that brings me joy, everything now is a fucking anchor bringing me down into the deep dark sea, into the darkness if the abyss, I've stared long enough into the abyss to become one with it, if I'm supposed to be a monster why do I fight this fucking battle, why can't I give

Second chances don't come around all that often. I suggest you take a really close look at it. This is your chance to earn that look in your son's eyes, to become the hero that he already thinks you are. I have fun with my fucking life when I can. Some of those moments are few and far between but the odd time things do work in my life I appreciate them, right now is one of those times and I'm about to go head first into one of the darkest weeks of my life, I need as many of these moments as I can get. Sunday (the football game) was one of those incredible moments you only get once in a lifetime or two, and then this morning I actually feel like I'm starting to get my life back. It feels good to be happy and not angry with a lot of aspects of my life,it's not something I'm accustomed to. It's something I want back in my life. The movie was pretty awesome too, I enjoyed finally having a sidekick into marvel movies like me agian, it's never going to be ex

The albatross begins with it's vengeance A terrible curse a thirst has begun His shipmates blame bad luck on the mariner About his neck, the dead bird is hung. Really, really fucker? You know I'm counting on some money and yer fucking sitting front row at a marvel event and then crying the fucking blues about being poor to me this week? Are u fucking kidding me? And you're not the only person I supposedly call fucking call freind that I associate with the toyline bullshit that takes too much and leaves me with nothing, I'm sick of it, these people that I have allowed into my personal life shouldn't be there, they are fucking leeches, I shouldn't be chasing assholes for Monday when they have given their fucking word that last week they will have money for me, and a week later I'm fucking chasing assholes, I have bills and fucking responsibilities and I don't take lightly to people that can afford fucking luxuries when I'm sitting here scrambling

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, And if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my toys will break. So none of the other kids can use 'em.... Amen. Getting really sick of these collecting pieces of shit that keep not paying up when they have taken advances on things, I can't trust people in my personal life why the fuck do I think I can trust these collecting assholes who always have a fucking excuse for sitting on their fucking hands when the moneys due, esp when I give them a killer deal right before my biggest ever solo show when I'm in dire need of fucking stock. I'm completely fed up with that type of shit, I can't trust anyone when they have something to gain from me, point fucking blank this has always been a job and a fucking source of income for me, otherwise I don't give a fuck about any of it, I'm sick of being taken advantage of by my caring about people and trusting them. I need to be an island upon myself from no

Do not be ashamed to make a temporary withdrawal from the field if you see that your enemy is stronger than you; it is not winning or losing a single battle that matters, but how the war ends. The moment you believe you will fail, you have already lost the battle In the near future I expect to make some drastic demands and decisions that I expect some people in my fucking orbit not to like, but I don't give a damn, it's time to end this battle that I have no fucking expectations to end in any true form in the family court system, maybe there are alternatives. For 4+ years I have tried doing the right thing, the honourable thing while she's destroyed my relationship with my child and my character, it's too bad that I believe both are stronger than that and at least on the one fucking account I have proven otherwise. It's time to start manipulating the chess pieces towards my ends rather than expecting the hands of fate to do right by me, obviously that's not

Nothing's over while I'm breathing. Defeat is only defeat if we accept it as defeat. Victory often comes after defeat, because one was too stubborn to allow it to be their reality. In the trail of any great conflict you will see the scuff marks, where the one was beaten down, but they could not be taught to stay that way How you react when your back is against the wall will determine if you see what's actually over the wall I have become at this very moment convinced that I will not see my son or be able to hang out with him freely until he is a man at 18 and I will be fighting this war until then, I don't have the energy for that. I have lost faith in the judicial system but never my child. But I am prepared to be in a very fucking dark place in September. I don't feel that I have been listened to at all by current legal counsel and while I do trust his judgement I feel like I am being set up for another failure and I am done playing the game of lawyer shopp

The Edge... There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over. I'm sick of fake fucking freinds pulling bullshit on me. I shouldn't have to wait on agreed upon money because you want this stupid plastic crap or me around to cover your ass. I do everything for these fucking people and when it comes to me needing something it's like I'm black or something and they fucking forgot me or some shit. Right now I'm in a dark place and re evaluating my life and some of my fucking decisions and I don't know the next step but I do know that a lot of the wheat from the chaff is going to be cut down and most of the poisons in my life are going to removed, plastic crap freinds or not. I have made some very hard choices and changes recently and had to accept some serious truths. You either stand with me, agianst me or you get the fuck out of my way. I don't have time to fucking deal with people who ar

I'm an asshole, and I'm proud of it. I don't fucking like collectors and I don't like anonymous assholes that I have sold things to that I know personally talking shit about me, I want out of the toy game because I have bigger fish to fucking fry, it doesn't help when one of these politicking assholes won't show his fucking face to say he has a fucking problem with me, I don't like collectors anymore outside of a few freinds, three fucking years+ I gave to this shit. It served a purpose but I have lost as much as I have been given by it.... And personally ripped off by two diffrent serious collectors, one I even let live with me as a fucking favor because he had no where to fucking go, I'm sick of these slimy peices of shit and the fucking bullshit politics. I had a good tf con and I was glad to get rid of a bunch of stuff and see some freinds that I likely will never see agian, it was both good and bad that I decided to go, but I have things on my pla