I don't fucking like collectors and I don't like anonymous assholes that I have sold things to that I know personally talking shit about me, I want out of the toy game because I have bigger fish to fucking fry, it doesn't help when one of these politicking assholes won't show his fucking face to say he has a fucking problem with me, I don't like collectors anymore outside of a few freinds, three fucking years+ I gave to this shit. It served a purpose but I have lost as much as I have been given by it.... And personally ripped off by two diffrent serious collectors, one I even let live with me as a fucking favor because he had no where to fucking go, I'm sick of these slimy peices of shit and the fucking bullshit politics. I had a good tf con and I was glad to get rid of a bunch of stuff and see some freinds that I likely will never see agian, it was both good and bad that I decided to go, but I have things on my plate that take precedence and it is time to walk away from this shit. There is enough unwanted shit to warrant the show in September and after that I can do online sales and Christmas. I will provide for my family and freinds before I will bother with complete fucking strangers that think because of some sense of entitlement at a convention that they are entitled to anything from me esp when low balling me on the one or two few items I chose to take to tf con to break even, they were personal collection and do mean something to me, even if only it's the fucking fact to some of them that it was a fucking days pay back when I worked with not for that fucking chinese asshole that used several of my houses for free storage and used me for cheap labour, most of my nice things represent a hundred dollar pay out, that's what I'm fucking expecting returned. Not negotiable and I'm not going to be fucking bullied or told that I have lower prices on something that basicly I don't want to fucking sell. This shit right now is an option for survival not something that has to define me anymore, yes it's allowed me to have a certain expected lifestyle for the last few years but before that I had liquor store and Hess village busking to provide the fucking same thing, I have no qualms esp in the fucking summer months esp. Going back to doing that esp. With my current proximity to my old life in Windsor on a part time basis there would be no problem here, Hamilton or Windsor spending every weekend playing my guitar to support myself, it's something that She can never fucking take away, not can anyone else, it's something I've done for the little extras since I was barely a teenager and it's fun. This transformers thing used to be fun but now it's bullshit and politics and soon, I'll be fucking done. I have bigger things in my life that demand my attention and bigger douches than any of these stinky cheap ass mother fuckers, I'm sick of it and I don't have the patience to deal with these fucking losers anymore, I have a real life, a real career and both personal and professional goals to attend to. This has been a long, strange, frustrating ride and everything that is still left on my table at the end of the day is testament to that. I'm done being someone that cares about people who aren't involved in personal life and make judgement calls based on the fact I'm an asshole, guess what I am a fucking asshole and proud of it...and I'm only in this thing to turn a fucking profit and if you're in this to be a happy little collector that's fine, if you're here to lowball and be a dick and resell my hard earned things that I have long since stopped giving a fucking damn about, stay the fuck out of my way. My table is my livelihood and I set my prices not the other way around, I'm negotiable but I'm not going to get ripped off just because you want a fucking deal, fuck this shit I'm done, the stuff is packed away, I don't have to fucking look or think about it for a few weeks, maybe a month. It's easy to forget it exsist for a little while.... This shit has never fucking defined me, even if once upon a time I had forgotten that fact... I'm sick of dealing with spoiled motherfuckers with entitlement issues and cushy jobs and lots of disposable income, everything I and my child have ever had that's not a fucking gift I have worked for and fucking earned. Nothing has a came easy, and fucking people that have entitlement issues need to stay the fuck away from me, I've already dealt with one that's a fucking theif and a piece of shit in my personal life over this plastic crack shit, I've got no interest in pandering to other ones like that. Let them think I'm a fucking asshole, I am one, I don't question that, it's one of the things that allows me to be a tough old soul and take on all the challenges and struggles of my shitty fucking life the last 39 years. Let's not even fucking discuss the rest of the fucking week after tf con that started with one of the shittiest meals at a restaurant I've had in my life, losing my keys, having to knock on a door of a trusted freind at midnight cuz I couldn't get into my apartment to stay the night, the bullshit over losing said key and the fucking uhaul at the locker, that fucking situation will be resolved soon and moved on from, there are other options and I will be damned if for that Clusterfuck hole in the wall that has damaged my things is going to raise my rent. Esp after the fucking employees are so useless I have to ask the manager for fucking permission to use bolt cutters because the fucking idiot matenince guy can't have the strength to fight his way out of a wet fucking paper bag without destroying my locker door trying to break the fucking lock. Meanwhile I've got a little andreline going it takes me one fucking try. Did I mention the fist fight I had in my parking lot with some retarded goof who thinks he's entitled. To a parking spot on my property over a person who rents in the fucking building when I have a spot in my lease and I'm not going to be fucking threatened by some asshole that lives in another building from a third floor balcony and then threatens me and my loved ones with harm is not going to get the same in kind, if you physically threaten me or anyone associated with me expect one of three options you're ass kicked, the police called, or a combination of both. This time I had a third option, I called my landlord and had it dealt with, it's not the only issue there and not completely dealt with and like everything in my life right now I am at a crossroad and I have positive options as well as negative ones, it's up to me to decide where I'm going, for the next little while I'm taking a fucking break from all the negativity for the next little while and I'll surround myself with positivity. There's reasons and given the deep dark hole I'm looking at in September that's completely fucking full of the unknown and is something that matters to me to see thru start to finish win or lose because it's the only thing that matters, I need positive emotions to keep me going... Nothing else matters. None of this bullshit. None. As far as I'm concerned other than the next con being fun for some of the people I care about because unlike me who had become jaded and bitter about it, they still see the magic behind it, this was my final stand. This was the end. There is one more show to see thru to get rid of the rest of this crap before ending at Christmas with sales and deciding what goes into the donation bin and underneath freinds and family trees and what gets sold between now and then, but I want a fresh slate, at the end of the day what I truly keep will be for personal collection and everything else will just be shit that I need to get rid of.
I'm debating the next step of my life and in the meantime I will be finding out a lot of answers. Right now I need to focus on ending the game and attending to real life concerns instead of this plastic shit. It ceased being fun for me a very long time ago and it needs to end. It needs to be done. I hate the people and the politics involved and while I like comics and collectables the truth is that these things are and should be for kids and the adult collector aspect of things ruins it for a lot of children. For everything cool I've ever bought for me, nephews or my son, the intent aside from masterpieces was that they would eventually toys to be used and played with, except of course my commentarive boxed MOTU. Those are mine, but anything else is supposed to be for kids. Not adult assholes that are over entitled man child's. I need a real fucking job not this shit that I have struggle with to break fucking even to provide and get bullshit for my fucking decisions. I worked my ass off for the fucking things I wanted and it's fucking likely I will not even get a chance to use them due to other drama. I need a real job and not have this Hail Mary option with the toy crap. I can't deal with the fact it's become an albatross around my neck and those around me good or bad think that it's an inexcuastable supply of money, and it's fucking frustrating that's a part of my life. I'm sick of being taken advantage of by this shit. I want to be done. Even when I get things done it's a Clusterfuck. You know the most ironic thing about the toy community tho? Even tho they are not amongst my favorite people in the world and I have to at some point soon say goodbye to all the politics and bullshit involved around the whole buisness of selling toys, they are the first to offer you condolences or concern when someone's had a crisis, that's fucking telling. I do think that there are some good people out there that collect and aren't total douches but unfortunately they are few and far between and for the most part a lot of these dicks are unprofessional dicks. Then agian so am I. As far as I am concerned post tf con and action figure I am completely done with this bullshit with toys and transformers, some people in my life think that it is something that is a constant source of income that can be replenished at will. The sad fact is that they are wrong. I had to dip into private collection things to turn a profit at tf con and I am starting to feel a bit used as a result. This is about getting rid of stuff but when I have made money from it, it is supposed to be for the things I want and for other things I want for my boy. These things will be coming regardless, but I am more than a little bit frustrated currently by the fact I had goals and I succeeded in those goals but certain life distractions are occupying way too much of my time. I barely finished up dealing with this bullshit at the last minute to make my show successful, but it's frustrating nothing that I wanted came to fruition for the fucking moment. My choices and my decision, but it comes down to it, I need to make some serious fucking decisions on who and what I want in my life and what's seriously important because at the moment for a lot of reasons due to this toy gig I am feeling fucking used by a lot of fucking people. I have had enough of that, I spent 3 years basically breaking even with this shit and being used, and now I finally turn a fuckin profit and once agian I feel used by the fucking fact that other people who need to attend to there own issues are in my orbit. It's going to come down to the fact that everything in my life needs to be about me, not about anyone else. I spent way too many days and lost way to many things for my fucking efforts to fall apart the way they have. This shouldn't be the fucking thing I cling to for comfort and to make me whole, I don't need it, but it's fucking sad that I can stare at a fucking closet full of toys and say this is the biggest achievement in my life is making a few bucks selling plastic crap to other people that I no longer have any emotional attachment to. It's fucking sad in itself that this is all I have, once this was a happy hobby shared with my son and it was pretty awesome to find the odd bot on sale at walmart so he had a new toy to play with, but the last few years it has taken so fucking much I can't see the magic in it anymore. Once in a while when I do give one as a gift such as a train set to a little guy that's all about transformers and help to put it together for a little bit or play action figures with someone on a Saturday morning I remember what it was like to have fun with this, but those moments are fleeting and not quite the same. All of these experiences I should have had or be sharing with my son, not others. It's down to the fact there are only two things in this world that make me fucking whole, and the toy gig doesn't do anything to fill either of those gaps, it's just as usual, the albatross around my neck. I think the thing that bothers me most is certain freinds come cherry picking right beforehand the biggest show of my career in this shit and then have excuse after excuse why they don't have any fucking money. I've lived with a theif that pulled that shit, this is for all intents and purposes the fucking thing that feeds me and pays legal bills. It's fucking frustrating that peons think they can constantly take advantage of me and the things that I have, it's time to be done with this shit, it's time to be done with those type of people. When it comes to this crap I don't know who has my back, who seems to think it is a hindrance to my life even tho it has provided me with a comfortable income for the last few years when I had fucking nothing, and whose just got there claws into me for their own damn reasons because if either the fucking toys or the dollar signs. I'm sick of the fucking stress level involved with these shows, the politics involved with everyone both in the toy community and in my own life regarding this shit, it's time to fucking liquidate this shit with one more in September and after that decide what the fuck is mine and walk away, I'm fucking done. It's done it's job and it's just not worth it to me anymore, none of this shit is. It means more to me to see a little person happy with this shit for a moment than anything else involved in this whole deal, the idea was that this last fucking show would do me for the summer and provide a large gift for my little boy if I ever got him home, that's not how things have worked themselves out. I'm getting fed up with that chain of events alone. When it's clear that I can't have the things I like because I am being judged for having them, and then I have sycophantic assholes hanging off me because once upon a time I thought I had a cool gig selling toys that dealt with bills and things that needed to be done, but now I'm at the exact same fucking moment I was before all this shit with the plastic crap started, wait no, I'm worse fucking off. I've given up most of which was important to me from his collection, I've had stolen from me belongings that I have had since he was little like Pokemon games and comic books. How the fuck is that fair? I'm sick of greedy and selfish people. I need to know when it's fucking time to walk away. It's become that time, it has nothing more to give me, and aside from a few more dollars I have nothing more to gain from it.
Till all are mother fucking gone!!!!!
Current mood: Content.
Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others.
Unsuccessful people are always asking, "What's in it for me?
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