The War XLIX: Pyschological Chess II

War doesn't decide who's right...only who's left,

...And then the other fucking shoe drops, If i couldn't have been any more fucking miserable than I already am, i make a phone call this morning and find out that the Psychological chess game has started in earnest again, and point blank telling someone that It's going to be another year till i see my son because someone is an expert manipulator of the system, I honestly have serious frustrations with everything In my life, i mean this fucking cunt has turned my life into shit for fifteen fucking years and i don't even get my day In court? I'm fucking wish that this had been a criminal charge, i would have sat in jail for two years less a day and did a fucking handstand because of all the sins I am guilty of, this is the one I did not commit, And thats been fucking proven. I will go to hell for my own reason's but never for this. I don't have much left rattling around in this empty bone cage of a chest except the fact that there is a little fucking spot of hope that's buried somewhere deep beneath all the black, that little red bit of blood in the black hole of my chest, the Only fucking thing that matters to me anymore. All I want to do is fight.... but i am being denied that...

Current Mood: Angry.
Current Music: A soldier, Tom Dice

All I want to do is be a good father to my son and show him the world in ways in which I never even thought existed. But I am being denied that. Nick Coombs 2005

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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