The War XLIX: Pyschological Chess II

War doesn't decide who's right...only who's left,

...And then the other fucking shoe drops, If i couldn't have been any more fucking miserable than I already am, i make a phone call this morning and find out that the Psychological chess game has started in earnest again, and point blank telling someone that It's going to be another year till i see my son because someone is an expert manipulator of the system, I honestly have serious frustrations with everything In my life, i mean this fucking cunt has turned my life into shit for fifteen fucking years and i don't even get my day In court? I'm fucking wish that this had been a criminal charge, i would have sat in jail for two years less a day and did a fucking handstand because of all the sins I am guilty of, this is the one I did not commit, And thats been fucking proven. I will go to hell for my own reason's but never for this. I don't have much left rattling around in this empty bone cage of a chest except the fact that there is a little fucking spot of hope that's buried somewhere deep beneath all the black, that little red bit of blood in the black hole of my chest, the Only fucking thing that matters to me anymore. All I want to do is fight.... but i am being denied that...

Current Mood: Angry.
Current Music: A soldier, Tom Dice

All I want to do is be a good father to my son and show him the world in ways in which I never even thought existed. But I am being denied that. Nick Coombs 2005

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no lon...

Serpent's Kiss.

I pass in and out of peoples lives. sometimes i wonder why they come back. sometimes i wonder if the issue is me. i do grand things and i back up my plans and words and maybe sometimes thats too much for some. but all i have ever asked from those that i love is honesty. i don't care if things fall apart. all i need is the truth. I'm getting to the point i don't trust fucking anyone. and being betrayed by those that are at best fairweather fucking friends when im not exactly finacally fucking stable. there are reasons i keep my circle small and those i truly trust even closer. it takes a lot to be a part of my life and and i am seriously considering withdrawing from some of my social activities again because it seems like the last couple years they just turn to shit and all i am doing is losing money. i have stopped caring about a lot of people in the past and it can be real fuckin easy for me to walk away from agian. id rather work on the relationships both old and new th...

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