As for telling fucking stories which one of us lives in an alternate reality where she hides from the savage reality of her true life? A curse you have passed down to our child and he's in a place where he's not exactly sure what is and isn't reality? I have never lived in your so called fictional reality and I never will. I'm guessing the fact that certain histories with people that cannot be ignored that you have manipulated to your own advantage for the moment will be fucking exposed for exactly what they are, I guess relationships I have had long term ones, these are fucking things that do not exist? Wonder how I imagined the actual photographic proof, I think I am imagining going to school and college and university, my whole life is a lie and it's never happened? I'm Telling fucking stories, yeah fucking right, I'm the one that every fucking day faces cold reality because of your dream world, because of your fucking lies that have caused this, your manipulations not mine. You can only fool some of the people part of the time and six degrees of separation in Niagara works both ways bitch, you won't be able to keep it together in court and keep your story straight, I'm counting in that, it's your midis operandi, that's not going to change, you're going to play game after game after game to protect yourself, and sadly I truly believe at this point you think you have convinced our son that your lie is the truth, so in your addled mind you actually think your doing the right thing for him, I can feel sympathy for that. However for what you have done, not even to me, but for what you have done to our boy there will be no quarter, with no remorse given.
I will tell you this, regardless of the pain, the anger and the hate... I would rather live in my world and fight real world battles and deal with things the way they are rather than pretending to be in another fairy take where the only reality is yours, the looking glass is shattered, it's time that you face a real reality, I am prepared for the oncoming storm, I'm prepared to bask in the fire that's going to be directed my way, I've thought of nothing but that eventual moment for the last year, I'm good under pressure and I have no problem with having courage under fire. The question I have for you is will you be able to handle the same pressure when your entire life is put out there to read to the world. I've got no problem being judged, but can you say the same? Under close scrutiny I expect you to fall apart, and I will continue to stand, as fuckin strong as I can, I am his father,do you understand. There's no turning back. There is no surrender and there is nothing except the end of the game, it might be soon it might be when he comes of age, I'm sick of fighting it but I also know there is no question I'll never fucking walk away, it's just not in my character, I'm not built for that, if it makes me the villian so be it that I didn't turn tail and let myself fade into the sunset, when it's all said and done, this is still the real world and one day at some subconscious level that child will know I fought for him, and never gave up, never even considered giving up... That's not an option, having him grow up in your bloodstained reality with no one to be there to guide him away from your madness???? That's no option at all, I might lose, I might be exposed and have everything that matters once agian stripped from me, but that's the same thing that you will face, I'm pretty sure my grip on reality is rock solid, one foot in the grave, one foot on solid ground, can you say the same? I'm expecting to see your childish behaviour from the alternate world you live in on display, I'm expecting this to be all about u because it always is, but in the end, and this I promise you, it's about who it's supposed to be about, it's about him.
I've changed, I've had to become the warrior, the darker, vindictive, angry man I was before,it's a defense mechanism the same as his, the same as yours. The diffrence between us is always going to be the fact that I was always strong, the last few years where you have taken everything from me, the heart, the soul, the life I once had, hopes and dreams.,, adversity, it's made me stronger, it's made me hungrier, it's made me appreciate the things in life I have and want and what's truly fucking important, I don't know if you can say the same fucking thing. The fucking reality is the fact that we have been at this for far too long due to a Mickey Mouse family court system that's corrupted and is only about the money for the judges, lawyers and all these fucking social workers doing so called protection and/or counselling. A decade I've been dealing with this shit and the best I can do two weeks before is fucking tread water? It's very. Clear to me, if I leave this in professionals hands, I will not see my son till he's 18, it's time for me to go into business for myself. I am starting to load the bullets and have all the ammunition I need to finish this game we have been playing, this war has gone on for far too long and it's not my mind that has been affected, it's his, everything you have done to our child is beyond comprehension and somehow I have to speak out and deal with that, as long as there is something beating in this black hole I call a chest I will continue to fight for him, there is no backing down, there is no surrender. Honestly I have been taught well and by the best, and pain does make one stronger, if that's true hulk is strongest one there is.... This is a fight I'm not prepared to lose, this is a fight I'm not prepared to ever back down from, I don't care how tired and weary I am from the fight, the only thing left is to fight, the only thing left inside is the will to win at all costs. You either stand with me, stand aside or stand against me, this late in the game I have no time for people in the latter two categories, this is the game and this is the war, it's finally ending this stage of the chess game and moving into another, but the persons that emerge from this last but not final battle, will not be the same people going in, there have been major changes in our lives, all three if us have been battle scarred from this war, the difference being for one of us, those scars have been fucking self inflicted, whatever pain you feel is your own doing.
Current Mood: Determined
Current Music: Dokken, Dream Warriors
Nostalgia has a way of blocking the reality of the past.
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.
A man with outward courage dares to die; a man with inner courage dares to live.
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