Why you go for these guys that disrespect you and are no better than I am financially Frustrates me. I am miles and universes better than them and you fucking know it. I have lived in your world and I can handle it. And you like the fact that the worlds I live in you can understand. But when you tell me that you're with some asshole that doesn't respect you and meanwhile I am willing to sacrifice everything for you... it breaks me babe... it breaks me hard. Because I am trying...
...you don't want to know the day I stop trying.
The sad fact is there is a moment coming where I will take a step back and walk away... because the pain is too great to pretend that one day this broken shared shattered heart will ever mend. I think it's just trauma and damage from both of us and not maliciousness but I do think that one day I will just break and there will be nothing left, even to give to you.
The fact I feel now the exact same way I did when you first left in 05, is not healthy for any of us. But this is you're exercise in control. You have to define us. But look in the earliest days of this journal, i was hurting then, I'm hurting now. And why, so you can play with shiny toys that will never be half the man I am...
Hell they aren't half the man that you've torn me down into being... I'm still better. I'm just disinterested in the assholes you've allowed to be around my son and hoping one day you wake up and find yourself in a better place and happy, with or without me.
But I'm not happy being the guy you run to when these assholes prove to be exactly what I expect them to be... none of them will be there for the long haul, none of them will love you forever. That's my job... only
My job...
...and you make me suffer for it.
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