Skip to main content

End Of All Hope.



I should just crawl into a bottle the way that you do to deal with the world. I could be a functional alcoholic at this point. It’s not Iike I have much to I’ve for that the alcohol would affect.  And I have a never ending way to access the alcohol. It would be fitting seeing how you are the one who taught me how to do drink and how to use it to ignore the problems in my world and numb the fucking pain. It’s not like I haven’t been functional and drunk before. Hell at the end of the job I had to drink to forget my problems there. Never on shift but very often after that would be how I Dealt with a bad day.


Maybe it’s time to become the abyss. It’s not like I have much to live for. The bottle beckons every day. The fact I have the equivalent of a Texas mickey in my possession means I can easily get smashed in and on any fucking moment I choose to.


I never should have lost my anger and replaced it with hope. Because one kept me going and the other one just leaves me disappointed and depressed.


It would be very easy to turn back into darkness and stop caring about the world and people in it. I have made choices to make sacrifices but I feel that it has fallen on deaf ears to the one that mattered most and I was always better off when I was angry, selfish and alone. Maybe it’s time to go back to that. 


After all that’s the me you find most fucking attractive.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...