Skip to main content

End Of All Hope.



I should just crawl into a bottle the way that you do to deal with the world. I could be a functional alcoholic at this point. It’s not Iike I have much to I’ve for that the alcohol would affect.  And I have a never ending way to access the alcohol. It would be fitting seeing how you are the one who taught me how to do drink and how to use it to ignore the problems in my world and numb the fucking pain. It’s not like I haven’t been functional and drunk before. Hell at the end of the job I had to drink to forget my problems there. Never on shift but very often after that would be how I Dealt with a bad day.


Maybe it’s time to become the abyss. It’s not like I have much to live for. The bottle beckons every day. The fact I have the equivalent of a Texas mickey in my possession means I can easily get smashed in and on any fucking moment I choose to.


I never should have lost my anger and replaced it with hope. Because one kept me going and the other one just leaves me disappointed and depressed.


It would be very easy to turn back into darkness and stop caring about the world and people in it. I have made choices to make sacrifices but I feel that it has fallen on deaf ears to the one that mattered most and I was always better off when I was angry, selfish and alone. Maybe it’s time to go back to that. 


After all that’s the me you find most fucking attractive.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more