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Your Betrayal.



This has always been about you. Not about you and me, not you and my son. Only yourself. You chose to betray me, I never chose to betray you. 


And you did more than once, you tried to destroy me. And now as you’re world comes crumbling down because of your actions and decisions in this life you think I will be the rock and the constant, you’re not wrong but it’s not because I have a fucking choice. I may always be there but that’s because the cards I’ve been dealt. You’ll ruin any other attempt to move on in a relationship with some one else anyways. 


I don’t trust you. As close as we have almost gotten I still don’t trust you and you owe me an apology I have never gotten.  


You’re life crumbles and I’m still here waiting to catch you, but one day once again you will wound me and I will walk away completely again. I can’t affect the bad decisions that you have made in your life. I’m just trying to attempt to make you see that better ones can arise from the chaos.


That’s the reason for the tiny promise in the bedroom. Because I will always try. It’s in my nature. Tell me it’s impossible and I will prove you wrong. Same as anyone including you trying to control me. It’s just not going to fucking happen.


I haven’t forgotten that it has been over 20 years that you completely betrayed me and I was done. We were ended. That summer and that year are still the best moments of my life not including the moments I have had with other family and my son and our little moments that keep getting farther and farther away in our memory.


I never wanted you to come back into my life in 04, it would have been better for all of us if you hadn’t. But that’s not reality. And I will always kick the door down and accept my responsibilities.


I accepted in 17 that you and him were lost to me as well. The fact that within a few months into 19’ over jealousy over some other girl you were involved in my life manipulating me agian still gives me pause. I never should have chosen you over her. I should have chosen neither and gone my own way. 


It’s always about your agenda and you’re needs and I have no idea what the game is now. I’m not a marionette and easily manipulated.


But I have a long memory and I don’t forget anything, I remember every knife in my back and how and when they got there.


I’m done playing shadow games. I’ll happily go back to radio silence with you because I don’t need the stress of your constant albatross around my neck.


Your decisions. 

Your choices.

Your Betrayal. 

Your Problems.


Not mine.


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