Skip to main content

Hate Of My Life.



I have made too many sacrifices to care as much as I fucking do now. It’s time for me to just be angry again and walk away. Maybe then you’ll realize there is something of value that remains.  I’ll see you in another decade or so, that’s the difference between us, I’ve always known what I’m capable of, and my value. And they are both great and terrible things. 


But I’m fine going down this road solo, you aren’t the only one along my path. You’re just the most constant one. That isn’t always a positive. For the most part you’ve been an enemy and hated. That little bit of innocence that Ioves you still can be easily eroded. You’ve been the hate of my life for longer than I can remember. Those days can easily return.


No fucks given remember. I’m fine on my own. I always have been, it just would have been nice to eventually fall into your pipe dream. But in the natural order of things anger and hate us better for both of us. It makes us stronger. 


It’s just too bad that I have moved on from hating anyone. There is no fight left in me. I put my sword down and have never regretted putting down that weapon. I found peace. But I can always turn dark again. But You’re not worthy of me fighting ever again. You weren’t worthy of being my true enemy in the first place.


Because you are not, and never were. You fail to realize that. You were just a pawn in a larger game and agenda against me. But you’re welcome to the title now. Because clearly I’m the hate of you’re life. If you can’t have me no one else will, that’s understood. All you’re illusions too. But here’s the thing I don’t need a partner to fucking have peace. I have myself.


And I have you, the hate of my life. If only that was even remotely true, but I’ll let you believe that if it brings you comfort.


Everything I do is wrong. I’ll always be you’re Favourite victim until one of us is gone. But that’s the reality of the world we live in. Maybe some other parallel reality where you’re not fucked we are dating and happy, or maybe even with others but that’s not the reality I live in. And I know you don’t even live in this one. I lived inside your head long enough to understand that. I can’t deal with your mind space anymore. I have my own to deal with. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...