It meant something last week with that accident , it meant something when you worried about me being in the rough neighborhood. I was surprised when you called to make sure I was alright… the fact that you do care enough to check means I’m finally getting somewhere beyond you’re wall of selective silence. There is a reason when at the end you do have a seat at the table with any decision making… because occasionally you do little things that surprise me.
But it also highlights the fact that I should no longer be your silent secret, we either need to be, or just not be. I can’t keep you at arms length forever. It simply hurts too much no matter how much I bury the emotions.. they are still there bubbling to the surface, they never went away not really.
I can easily go back to not caring, but the fact I am your silent constant and I’ve never betrayed your trust even when I should have across the decades should speak volumes about my character. I don’t deserve to be a hidden and forgotten secret love affair in some shape or fashion you like to keep in orbit.
Soon, you’re going to be at a crossroads and a decision will have to be made. That moments soon. I can’t stay in the shadows forever. Im just waiting for the right moment, even if it’s our one last moment. I’ll know I tried. And I won’t have to be you’re silent almost partner and husband anymore. It’ll either be or it won’t.
Tick tock. Time is running out.
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