I don’t know why I keep putting myself thru all this hell. I try and have emotions and look on the light side of things and every fucking time it’s a knife in the back. I am not the best friend or the childhood buddy. I am you’re ex husband and we’ve never really defined the ex part. Just that you’ve cast me away. But you want me on the fringes of your life for some reason. I’m not sure how much longer I’m going to want to be that guy. I don’t like seeing you upset or in pain. It’s easier when I’m not an active participant in your life.
It was always easier. But that’s not what I was trying to be this time. But that time will have an ending. And it’s soon. I can’t feel the way I do every time you want to lash out on me. I’m not worthy of that transference any more. It hurts too much to question everything that you think I am every time you pull this.
I am convinced that it’s not longer me being a good enough person for you anymore… it’s the guilt of you thinking you’re not a good enough person for me… I’m still going to try, that’s my nature. I know deep down you’re a good person you’re just damaged and hurt and you’ve taken that out on me, but I’ll fight to stay in your life and you need that right now.
I’m here. Weather or not you or I like it. I’m always gonna be here. This is the path I’ve chosen, I’m going to stick to it.
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