I do things alone because I have a life beyond Hamilton. In both directions, some days maybe even my Toronto connections are still the same ones I was running away for as a child. I have a group of people that I have fun with and it’s separate from every responsibility both current and historical. It’s nice to have that little escape every once in a while and just be Bones.
It’s who I started out as, it’s who I’ll likely be remembered the most as. I lived. I had fun and I did things.that’s all that’s left for me to accomplish.
There are days i choose to do things and buy things just for me because there are fucking people that are financial drains on me and i cant count on others in my life when push comes to fuckin shove. I love my life and i love being there for the fucking ones i love but i swear to you there are moments in my fucking life when that all i had to take care of myself and maybe my son things were simpler than having people around.
Anyone i do for now has my respect and patience but sometimes it’s difficult to keep things together when bad choices are made. But then again the story of my life. I get to sacrifice so someone else gets to be comfortable. I’m fucking used to it. I allow the behaviour to repeat over and over again until I get fed up with it.
For now I just need to have the odd escape from the reality of my life and be out with my friend’s, some of which I’ve known forever. That’s my private place to escape from all this. Just like before when I needed away from the drama of my life or school or whatever. It’s just nicer I am able to do it more often now.
Whatever it is, it is still an escape that I need to do on a regular basis because it’s not just supporting someone else financially way too fucking much… it’s also me escaping from the voices in my fucking head. And trust me I do not want to be fucking alone with them.
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