Make no mistake about anything. Im still lost within my own head. Things may have changed in my life and I am more at peace with my life and there is some semblance of order to it now… but I’ve done jail and I’ve done questioning and I’m still a little lost within my own.
The reality is that I will never truly be happy or anything but miserable in my mind. It’s all four walls and a funeral. What the fuck did I accomplish in my life? My legacy? There isn’t one. Im just here. Nothing is going to change. Im just going to keep doing things and grind the axe until the end. I’m happy but my life is always going to be missing a lot because of the actions of myself and others.
Then agian, I think I was born damned so this institutional mentality is nothing new to me, I made my choices. I don’t run from my responsibilities nor to do I abandon those I love… I just wish the walls weren’t folding in Agian.
I shouldn’t be waxing poetic about the bad old days. Things aren’t easy now but it doesn’t suck as hard as it once did and it was just foolish pride and an expectation that I was better than I actually was that prevented me from having this lifestyle back then, there are regrets but everything happens for a reason and I did want to be better than the lonely road of ruin that I had came from. At least in that I tried, tried and failed, but tried none the less.
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