I have no regrets. Only sadness that things didn't go the way they were supposed to when tell me about sad moments that I should have been there for. There are too many of those. I should have been at your side at the concert to to hold you. We have a moment now let's see how it goes. But I will always be here and it's pretty obvious now you will always be in orbit. Not being in each other's lives was a mistake.
The fact that even tho we didn't sit together I have now watched a concert with my son is mindblowing. Hopefully stuff like this continues.
I do understand why it's complicated. I'm very aware of we spend time together that those old emotions will bubble up to the service and once you've had my touch regularly or even been in the same room. With me extended periods things will change. I'm very aware you are afraid of that. But we have only so much time left. And that's gets very apparent every moment that we have. Esp the sorts scary ones.
I should have been by your side to hold you when it got dark.
I am still processing everything and I am unsure where I stand or if there is a future here. But I know that our past is behind us and at the very least the rest of our lives I think in some form or fashion we at least have open communication. We aren't freinds. We never were. We are something else entirely. But being in our sons life, just a little... maybe some days I can handle that.
Seeing our favorite band together even in different rows was pretty amazing. Hopefully the next one you can sit beside me. Both of you. You are both loved. Just because I'm good with status quo doesn't mean i don't want to be there. I've always wanted to be there. That's not on me or or my actions.
I'm starting to look back on that too and realize that sometimes I did the right thing even if someone was too blind to see.im not the victim of bad decisions. I'm the one that chose the hard path. But there was always responsibility. I always lived up to it with every decision. I still do.
There are things you should not have to go thru In your life, both of you. They would not have happened if I was there. That's not on me. But there is no blame either. No anger. I've moved on. I was never angry anyways. Just hurt.
I will always have your back. Even when I am angry. You are my son's mother and there are some regrets in our life. I should have been there and there are things that could have been prevented. I'm here now. Let's change the things that can be prevented now. I'm not going anywhere.
Ever.
Thank you for Monday. I don't think either of us will forget it.
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