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Normal Isn't.



I live my life. Free of anyone elses decisions. I have my own set of morals and a code and I will always fucking try. But there are days I just need to take a step back and do somethings for me. Right now the answer to that is concerts and having fun. 

There will be some answers given this year or there will be some serious fucking changes in my life. I'm sick of just feeling lije I'm performing in my life and just being an accessory to some people who continue to let me fucking down.

Survival just isn't enough anymore. And glass houses do have stones. I have the first rock, if needed. I'm done allowing people to pick and choose there place in my life. 

Ive been searching for peace when maybe i should have been seeking mayhem. Fifty years almost and im either depressed or angry all the time. I dont have the energy for either. I want to be happy,I want to have good things and good experiences. I don't want to be constantly punching my hand agianst a wall waiting for a better day that will never fucking come. I hold no illusions there. Im damned. I know where I end up. But I want to enjoy whatever I have left.

I am a good person, but im perfectly fine not being nice or being the idea or ideal of what I was expected to be. Maybe if I had tried less to be what was expected id have had an easier life but I dont do easy. And I Always out perform my expectations. I know the land of rot that I came from. My childhood home in ruins. But those concrete blocks there built me. I know who i am because of them, and what i am is strong.

Every home and place i have ever spent any real time is rahtid, Rotted for those that don't speak Trinidadian... i haven't forgotten how many of my peers I've lost young.. or the family that ive never really gotten to have.

My choices where made for me long ago... I just played along. But I don't play well with others and I never have. I simply choose not to. And I chose to excel in things in my life to prove people wrong...

My world may be an endless sea if ashes placed at my feet... but I'll outlive them all just prove that I was always the strongest one of them all.

Hulk Smash.

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