At this point i am choosing the devil I know and it being complicated over people that clearly only need me when they need or want something. When I look over the ruins if my life there is only one constant. And while we are damaged and I shoukd have walked away completely shes never really taken advantage of me or asked me for anything up to and including child support, so maybe I really need to consider what happens next. My life doesnt reach that far to her world, but maybe soon I can let her into my world some more.
Not sure tje next step but I'm definitely starting to consider that some of these temporary people in my life just aren't going to be there while she is. There is a distinction there. One thats always been. Shes chosen to be connected to me for the rest of our lives. Thats big.
This last year I've lost enough supposed ride or die freinds I'm starting to actually consider who will be there at the end. She's always a consideration. But I'm done with betrayal. From her, and from anyone. Still not over forgiving someone and being fooled a second time and feeling like I was used. Ive had enough users in my life.
Its time to make a decision. And there is a daylight. This will be my last Halloween 🎃 without it. And without them.
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