Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Even when things are frustration central, it is easy to lose focus.. i have decided that it is time to change strategy a little and instead of remaining complacent i am going to out to seek new Life and new oppurtuinitys... yeah i know.. i should use the star trek trailer today but the lego pics fits my mood and the new clear feeling i am having about moving on from a hopeless exsistense which i currently mired under. as owen hart once said... enoughs enough and it's time for a change... enough of the shit hitting the fan and the angry me hitting the wall. frustraions need to come to a close... too many things are bothering me right now.. i had a complicated enough life before.. i do not need a half million hanger's on and added political problems, this isn't what i went to to school for.. this isn't what i chose... there has to be something better out there... i am not going to make another descion out of desperation agian. the next time i make a decision like this i a...

i am getting so sick of the current mood. if i wanted to be backstabbed and deal with bullshit i knew exactly where to look. I made a big sacrifice and it seems the minute thati get a little bit comfortable with something other forces within use jealousy and bullshit to take it away from me.. i'm still looking forward but i think it's time to make some lifestyle changes and do whats right for me... i'm sick of being a bleeding heart and caring about other people.. god knows that the only one looking out for me is me... i honestly don't think i can no longer give a damn with the situation i'm in.. and that's not healthy or good for my mental health, some people just don't understand what i'm going thru either... i think they think i should just man up and take it like a good little soilder, sometimes i think that they are right, and sometime i think that they have no clue what i am going thru, this is not what i signed on for... when a freind asked me wh...

Should be trick or treating tonight but sometime priorities come first. i will take it off next year if i am still stuck in the same circle of lies. there are sacrifices made that no one seems to notice but me... at least a phone call will be made before night falls on samhain... should be an interesting midnight. Currrent mood: tired. Current Music: Nighttrain, Guns and Roses.

trying to figure out the next move... at least things aren't as complicated as sometime i make them seem. i am getting slowly burnt out at work with these extra shifts and it affects my relations with all those around me.. there's some good news on that front as there is something in hamilton to interview for this week which might be more career fufilling and i'm still waiting on other people to call me back. i am happy with my job but i wish there was less anarchy involved. we will see what the next year holds. Current mood: still tired.

one down (toronto)and another one to go (fonthill). i remeber the person that used to live in this city, i'm not him anymore. wandering around the downtown esp. younge and queen reminded of how much i have distanced myself from the young man that i used to. i guess responsibilty can do that to a man. hoping one of these permanent jobs comes thru. i'm sick of dealing with burucratic nonsense. i have better things to do with my time. looking forward to tommorow and the positiveity that is going to come with it. hoping for this job (covenant House) but i'm not ruling out a return to Niagara if the right offer comes along. this week has been interesting to say the least haven't seen home in the last 5 days and i won't till monday or tuesday next week... at least if i'm out of the house it means progress and $$$, even if i have a few sleepless nights and/or days. we'll have to see what come's next. Current Mood: Wet. Current Music: Aerosmith, Ragdoll.

what was i thinking? 18 hours long? i am barely getting by on coffee and andrenaline at this point. and least i have toys to entertian me and a good nights sleep with a little one in my arms last night to show for it.. it was nice to have him around at my house for a few days and do daddy/little boy stuff...it makes garbage shifts like the remandier of the weekend worth it.... hopefully the fates have it in them to change the cards soon Current mood: exhausted,

it's too bad that my little man is sick... i have had tonight planned out for over a month. we are going to it anyways i just hope this makes him feel better. current mood: hopeful, Happy to see him.