Camp Day IV: Xmas Camp?

SO anyways after i minor tantrum this morning that probaly had 5 real reasons and about ten crocodile tears reason he finally settled in at camp, he has been having a good experince i just think the fact that we are doing stuff and going and going like the energizer bunny has caught up to him and he's getting worn out, Good he'll sleep all weekend for Mommy and maybe be back to a normal sleep schedule for her. he is really enjoying this week and minor behaviors are not an issue even tho he does need to outgrow the tantrums and the crocdile tears for attention bit.. i'm not one to reward attention seeking behaviors at any time esp. negative attention seeking behaviors... but tonight will be an easy day we will stay home and go swimming and just chill out and relax and have a night cudddling at home watching Ninja turtles... have one more nice night at home... He loves me so much it's so hard to let go esp. when he's upset but sometimes you have to let them roam free because they can't always be attached at the hip, esp. in my situition, he's got to have experinces by himself when he's here and not just be an extension of me and what i do everyday.

Current Mood: Tired.
Whatever they grow up to be, they are still our children, and the one most important of all the things we can give to them is unconditional love. Not a love that depends on anything at all except that they are our children.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

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