Camp Day IV: Xmas Camp?

SO anyways after i minor tantrum this morning that probaly had 5 real reasons and about ten crocodile tears reason he finally settled in at camp, he has been having a good experince i just think the fact that we are doing stuff and going and going like the energizer bunny has caught up to him and he's getting worn out, Good he'll sleep all weekend for Mommy and maybe be back to a normal sleep schedule for her. he is really enjoying this week and minor behaviors are not an issue even tho he does need to outgrow the tantrums and the crocdile tears for attention bit.. i'm not one to reward attention seeking behaviors at any time esp. negative attention seeking behaviors... but tonight will be an easy day we will stay home and go swimming and just chill out and relax and have a night cudddling at home watching Ninja turtles... have one more nice night at home... He loves me so much it's so hard to let go esp. when he's upset but sometimes you have to let them roam free because they can't always be attached at the hip, esp. in my situition, he's got to have experinces by himself when he's here and not just be an extension of me and what i do everyday.

Current Mood: Tired.
Whatever they grow up to be, they are still our children, and the one most important of all the things we can give to them is unconditional love. Not a love that depends on anything at all except that they are our children.

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Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact. You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family. Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...

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