Sleep is fucking overrated.

I'll sleep when I'm dead, Today seems like one of those endless days with endless piles of bulllshit, it's nice to have 44 hours each week and get extra call in shifts when I have my son but that requires dealing with a babysitter on short notice and having to deal with my ex and her bullshit, kinda funny that someone says she's sleeping at 10 pm but when i get downtown apperantly she's hanging out with some tool in front of out of the past, without our son in tow.. lemme guess he's at his grandmothers, wonder who you were doing last night? I honestly wonder why i am persuing a job here in st. catherines when I have a perfectly good graveyard shift at home in hamilton with a secure apartment, ah yes i want something better to come out of my experinces and education and the position is for an educational assistant and i want to be involved in my sons life and the court order would be easier to enforce here, and there's the whole fact that the politics come straight from the top at my mickey mouse organization i call employment, i mean i'm full fucking time right now but how long will that last, i need something more secure, i have been working my fucking ass off to make sure i have the things that will give me job security but it's a slow process and when i can't plan pass tommorow because i am shackled to these graveyard shifts I'm not sure where I'm headed... at least as someone has made it painfully evident even with her mixed signals which just indicate more mindgames and systems of control I'm sure I'll be headed there Alone... by choice... i'd rather be happy and alone than with you and miserable. I value my freedom too fucking much.

Current Mood: Annoyed.
Current Music: The Apparition, Iron Maiden
Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate in their object-relations

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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