Skip to main content

Darker Places II


Its reevaluation time agian, i dont know how much longer i can stay at my job with the complete lack of professionalism towards everything, i mean when my so called boss is reading books like secrets of disipline to deal with these kids, im sorry but everything i do at work comes from common sense and my training that is almost 10 years old at this point, i feel i have more experince than him and at this point in time trying to put a bandaid on a growing problem by introducing disipline into the chaos of these kids life is about 6 fucking months late, all i see is my carreer slipping away and my hours being cut, i really need to be looking elsewhere and find a place with actual management not just some guy that does the day shift because i has a 20 percent investment in the organization and warehousing kids makes the upper management money, i made 15,000 dollars last year, even with the lay off thats ridiclous, and now we get yet another new staff and i lose a shift and go from 44 hours to 36, of course that wont happen, someone will drop off and ill be back to 50 hour weeks, I should really push for a fucking contract rather than the original handshake agreement ive been going on for the past two years,maybe i can find something soon that will give me some leverage and a trump card to play for a better situation with these fuckers, this isnt like the other house, it doesnt feel like home it just feels like a place i go to be a night security guard and i dont feel i am making a diffrence, when i get as burned out as i am the warning signs are to move on, but who the fuck knows.... i just dont want to be here forever and i dont want to have working here be the epitaph of my career i have more to offer, elsewhere...

Current Mood: Frustrated.
The only normal people are the one's you don't know very well.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...