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Miserable

Do you ever get the feeling that your life is standing still and there is no longer anything to look forward to, i really need to define for myself some new goals and acheivements, there is only so long i can sit around at home on video games and watching my sons cartoons on dvds, i cant be a hermit anymore even tho its winter and i dont need to go out unless its a work day, but its a sad joke when i have to define myself by a job I hate, i need to find myself some other interests and things to do in this life, i bought a new notebook i need to start writing poetry agian, and a few new essays and research papers probaly wouldnt hurt either... i just need to find motivation agian.

Current Mood: Miserable.
When the highwayman holds his gun to your head, you turn your valuables over to him. You 'consent' alright, but you do so because you cannot help yourself, because you are compelled by his gun. Are you not compelled to work for an employer? Your need compels you, just as the highwayman’s gun.

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