I dont know if its hamilton or a new found sense of complantency that is making me ready to bolt out of the city, but i dont feel like it is home anymore, i just go to work and come home and dont do anything interesting or important in my life, all i do at my job is provide for the warehousing of kids and then i come home and sleep most of the afternoon... is this what the rest of my life is going to be like, not seeing past the door in front of me.. i feel that the longer i stay here in hamilton, at this job the longer my soul slips away, im not the same individual i was in niagara or windsor and the anger and the mood swings seems to come at random now.. maybe i was better off young and angry and self destructive back in the day, it certianly worked wonders for my relationships, at least i found love with that tattered choatic emotoinal being i was back then, there is no fucking point at being zen and at peace with the world, its better to be angry and lashing out and getting fucking shit done, I cant remeber the last time i set a fucking goal much less accomplished one, i need to get my head together and maybe let some of the angry demons come unbottled, start writing agian, start rebelling agian... i cant let my fucking life turn into this, i was made for better things and if all im going to do or be is be a robot clone of the establishment i can do that in other places than here. Im offer a master of my own destiny unemployed and homeless crashing on my freinds couches in windsor, at least up there i can comfortably live in choas, i was always happier there because the one year of freedom i had from responsibilties was there and i made some damn good freinds during those years and i know i can always go home agian instead of dealing with the fucking bullshit here, so much of my life has been chasing a sense of belonging and home, i have that in windsor, i even deluded myself to find that a fragment of my soul was in Niagara, of course that fragment of my soul is still there and has became his own little person, but windsor is my home, i think its the place i ever truly found peace with myself, and i now i find that emotion slipping away.... and i become nothing.Current Mood: Depressed
You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
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