Queen of the Reich III

Nothing like a last minute message to ruin my plans for the weekend, if the game playing is going to continue i am going to involve the fucking authorities and have police enforcement, its is interesting to note that your phone number is currently not working as well, you can't deprive my son of his father for over a month, this is just nonsense and game playing and it is a direct attack upon me to wait till friday fucking morning to let me know hes sick, you have a family gathering, the more i hear it the more it smacks of bullshit and the lack of commuincation makes me think you are trying to push me away agian, newsflash, I am going to start persuing the letter of the law in terms of my cort order so you will be seeing a lot fucking more of me... my son has a right to see his father, i dont apprecaite the games that you have been fucking playing and I have the feeling the revolving door is spinning agian and you have a new boyfreind and you are trying to push me away yet agian, i got a newsflash for you Cunt... i have been pushed away since the last day of 04, i dont know what i ever saw in you and why i ever thought i could possibly fucking be in love with you, i cannot belive the woman who bore my child treats me like this, and worse I cannot understand why you do this shit to your own son, he loves us both equally shouldn't that be enough? at least I know, I'm not going to be the one he grows up to hate.

Current Mood: Angry.
I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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