Self Destruction.

you know that i really do have self destructive tendencies and the fact that they have always given me goals and a sense that my life on this earth will end sooner than later and everything i wanted needed to be done because one day soon i was gonna be gone... of course it hasnt turned out that way, im just holding on in a steady pattern trying to become someone im not, lowered expectations i guess, when i cant see any point to the robotic lifestyle of work, then sleep, then work then death, i mean whats the fucking point, my greatest accomplishments in this life mean nothing because one ( the biggest accomplishment.) i hardly get to see do your machinations, two the second biggest accomplishments were my education yet i can make the same amount of fucking money pumping gas and saying would you like some fucking fries with that... i guess when you get to a point where nothing matters, nothing ends up actaully mattering, at middle age im looking forward to the end... because at least that will be interesting.

Current Mood: Bored.
Current Music: Avril, My Happy Ending.
Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer.... Maybe self-destruction is the answer.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Dying False King.

I am a ghost and a spectre in a lot of peoples lives that I have touched. Some I shouldn’t be, and some I have willingly walked away for my own mental health. I’m starting to get to that point with many things in my life agian. I thought it would be easier to live a simple life and just have fun but I think it’s harder than when I worked my face off as a father. At least then my enemies didn’t pretend to be my freinds and the world wasn’t falling apart slowly. Just my world. I think I prefer whatever that was then compared to what the world is now. I have my own life and adventures and I don’t need anyone that doesn’t want or need to be in my life. I have fun with what I do and don’t let negative sources affect my life. If you’re gonna drag me down, I’ll be gone. That’s how it works. You’re not going to disturb my fucking peace. That’s what the metal shows are for. That is anger’s release. Plus to have fun.

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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