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Stalled....

Why with all the positives in my life do i feel like I am just standing still, stalled in the time and place that i am and that its not going to ever get any better, and this is the sum total of what im worth, a wandering soul working a meaningless graveyard job and someone who can no longer see anything positive3 in the way of reward coming tommorow... it does not help that i am once agian left with the uncertainity of what the next step is carreeer wise, mental health wise and emotionally, this job takes a toll even more so when you factor in the mindgames currently eminating from st. catherines.. when staring into this black fucking hole of doubt One is half tempted to return to niagara and learn to flip burgers, i mean whats the fucking point anymore, im not making any more money than i would be being a barista or a bartender, and i have the emotional scars and the fact that I cant trust anyone in this feild, i once thought that this career path was about making change in young people lives and not about the money, but i must have had some bad role models because now despite there influnence i now feel the only thing that this profession is about is the almighty dollar, and when it feels like im selling my soul for a job that i have been overly critical of, and then i go interview for a place that I have called out in my published paper for their tactics and the way they deal with their clients, and i all i want to do at that interview is crawl into a hole even though it was one of my strongest interview performances of late, i am really coming into my own when it comes to self confidence about the feild and my knowledge, i dont hide behind the niavity anymore, but the only goddamn reason i want that job is because it opens the flood gates to toronto and it pays well, didnt someone once say in order for true happiness youd need to completely sell your soul and sacrifice all of your beliefs... he may have been right..

Current Mood: Depressed.
Current Music: Type O Negative, Black No 1
It's okay to sell your soul if you'll be making enough money to buy it back.

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