The Bitch of Christmas Past....

I am not feeling this Joyous holiday at all... All i see is darkness and Anger and the fact that I am standing still while the world moves on without me.... It's just another Christmas where I am going to be alone because someone that I once held dear is so full of anger and betrayal that all she wants to do is prevent me from being with the one person that I hold dearest.. but that's OK.. because i'll just celebrate my Xmas with him later.. hopefully some kind of detente can be reached in relation to his birthday and Xmas presents.. but I don't care... the more things happen and the more times that goes by.. when I sit and reflect on everything I am not the fucking person wrong in the equation... and history will prove this to be true... till then Bah Humbug... I'm miserable at Christmas every year anyways.... she's just making it easier this year to be.

Current Mood: Depressed.
Madness is the emergency exit. You can just step outside, and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them away... forever.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

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