The Ultimate Battle II

I came very close to ending my own life last night, There is so much I don't understand right now... and I cannot imagine what my little boy is going thruough, if i had a gun it would be minus a bullet right now.. and the world would be without one more poet.... Of course i don't have a gun.. so the point is moot... and other than the fact that suicide is the cowards way out, and I am no coward it doesn't mean it hasn't been considered, but what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, so Hulk Is the strongest of them all.... please inform me if i am turning green. I am getting to a point where it is becoming very difficult to deal with the world and my place in it... the fact is.. thanks to someone else's petty jealousy, greed and lust for revenge my place in this world is gone. one of the reasons i am going home to Windsor for a month is to recharge and go somewhere where i never needed you, there is a reason i call Windsor home. it is the only place i was ever comfortable in my own skin without someone like you dragging me down... of course you did anyways... STAY ANGRY.. one day you will regret it.

Current Mood: Depressed.
The angry people are those people who are most afraid.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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