Why does it seem that even the darkest of my days in Windsor and other places that I always had hope and that this is the first real time I am starting to looking into the void and see the sum of my life that has always been predetermined by others staring back at me.. and there is nothingness... I am not the sum of my life's experiences I am merely a broken vessel shaped by others.... Welcome to the Matrix.. there is No control... I have constantly had my life's choices dictated to me by other's and anytime i try and take the power of my destiny back other's attempt to destroy me... I have been down before but it seems recently I am constantly down... The lack of sleep, the anger, the depression that nightmare dreams.... all of this haunts me.. the little bit of positivity I CAN PRODUCE only goes in one direction and One cause... And it's time for me to step up my fucking game on that matter, this will be yet another birthday and Christmas I miss, another cherished moment that's been taken away from me but some other person's machinations but that doesn't matter because I'm not important.... But before I go and do something Stupid... even if it's as simple as dropping off gifts, I'm going to make sure that I am perfectly able to do so.... I do not want to get into a fight because all the controls on my anger and temper have been selectively removed and my barriers of resistance have been broken down... I am a broken man and I have nothing left to lose.. so consider yourself lucky i do not act upon my more angry impulses.Current Mood: Angry, Depressed.
You can not kill what you did not create.
Why are so few of us left active, healthy, and without personality disorders?
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