Skip to main content

Dark Days

Why does it seem that even the darkest of my days in Windsor and other places that I always had hope and that this is the first real time I am starting to looking into the void and see the sum of my life that has always been predetermined by others staring back at me.. and there is nothingness... I am not the sum of my life's experiences I am merely a broken vessel shaped by others.... Welcome to the Matrix.. there is No control... I have constantly had my life's choices dictated to me by other's and anytime i try and take the power of my destiny back other's attempt to destroy me... I have been down before but it seems recently I am constantly down... The lack of sleep, the anger, the depression that nightmare dreams.... all of this haunts me.. the little bit of positivity I CAN PRODUCE only goes in one direction and One cause... And it's time for me to step up my fucking game on that matter, this will be yet another birthday and Christmas I miss, another cherished moment that's been taken away from me but some other person's machinations but that doesn't matter because I'm not important.... But before I go and do something Stupid... even if it's as simple as dropping off gifts, I'm going to make sure that I am perfectly able to do so.... I do not want to get into a fight because all the controls on my anger and temper have been selectively removed and my barriers of resistance have been broken down... I am a broken man and I have nothing left to lose.. so consider yourself lucky i do not act upon my more angry impulses.

Current Mood: Angry, Depressed.
You can not kill what you did not create.

Why are so few of us left active, healthy, and without personality disorders?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more