The Devil's Advocate

I am sitting around and realizing to myself rather inpatiently that nothing will get done until I choose to do them, it doesn't matter how long I am patient or if any of the steps are in place, Soon one day when I have the opportunity it comes down to how i represent myself against the eternal damnation that has marked my life for the last year, it's time for battle... it's time to reach deep within my soul and get serious, I must use all this angry, all this hunger, and all this hate towards a positive goal or it will destroy me from the inside, I didn't choose to let go of ten years of my life for school just so that I could have my former partner destroy it within a few years, I need to stand strong and stop letting some of my so called controls in my mind define me... i think i need to get a little more viscous and show that this wolf has fangs... i have conquered my demons and they are a part of me, but i have no fucking problem exposing them and using them, hellfire and Brimstone and the darkest recesses of my soul are a nice place to play when i am seeking retribution.

Current Mood: Angry.
Hell is the opposite of joy. It is unfulfillment. It is knowing Who and What You Are, and failing to experience that. It is being less.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Search This Blog