The Devil's Advocate

I am sitting around and realizing to myself rather inpatiently that nothing will get done until I choose to do them, it doesn't matter how long I am patient or if any of the steps are in place, Soon one day when I have the opportunity it comes down to how i represent myself against the eternal damnation that has marked my life for the last year, it's time for battle... it's time to reach deep within my soul and get serious, I must use all this angry, all this hunger, and all this hate towards a positive goal or it will destroy me from the inside, I didn't choose to let go of ten years of my life for school just so that I could have my former partner destroy it within a few years, I need to stand strong and stop letting some of my so called controls in my mind define me... i think i need to get a little more viscous and show that this wolf has fangs... i have conquered my demons and they are a part of me, but i have no fucking problem exposing them and using them, hellfire and Brimstone and the darkest recesses of my soul are a nice place to play when i am seeking retribution.

Current Mood: Angry.
Hell is the opposite of joy. It is unfulfillment. It is knowing Who and What You Are, and failing to experience that. It is being less.

Comments

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Villian

I've never gave a rats ass about being the bad guy. But I have cared about being a fairweather freind and how I reflect on being a role model to my son. I will walk away from any bad actors or bad relationships that endanger the relationship I am slowly attempting to rebuild. I know I can be a prick. But when you hurt someone I care about, I do not trust you that you may affect those I care about. I burn bridges with gasoline while I'm standing upon them. It wont be the first multiple decade freindship ive demolished, it won't be the last. Im starting to reevaluate a lot of drinking buddies agian to see who is actually something and who I just party with. If I'm obviously moving in a direction thats going to have me ghosting someone whose been around for a minute, so be it. It wont even be the first one this year. I dont look back. And I dont care, if I exclude you from my life, thats an ending that's where its done. I am making choices for my future and its pret...

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