The Devil's Advocate

I am sitting around and realizing to myself rather inpatiently that nothing will get done until I choose to do them, it doesn't matter how long I am patient or if any of the steps are in place, Soon one day when I have the opportunity it comes down to how i represent myself against the eternal damnation that has marked my life for the last year, it's time for battle... it's time to reach deep within my soul and get serious, I must use all this angry, all this hunger, and all this hate towards a positive goal or it will destroy me from the inside, I didn't choose to let go of ten years of my life for school just so that I could have my former partner destroy it within a few years, I need to stand strong and stop letting some of my so called controls in my mind define me... i think i need to get a little more viscous and show that this wolf has fangs... i have conquered my demons and they are a part of me, but i have no fucking problem exposing them and using them, hellfire and Brimstone and the darkest recesses of my soul are a nice place to play when i am seeking retribution.

Current Mood: Angry.
Hell is the opposite of joy. It is unfulfillment. It is knowing Who and What You Are, and failing to experience that. It is being less.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

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