I slowly coming to realization that some of the people in my life are extremely negative and poisonous to my soul and it doesn't matter that a long time ago they were Once positive supports, at this point in my life with all the Chaos that constantly envelops it and all the battles i have to constantly fight, it's time for these bad influences in my fucking life to me no more, Friday was a huge example of this, I dislike when i go out of my way to do something for someone that i know we will both enjoy, when someone is so miserable at the fucking world that he ruins some of the moment by complaining and bitching, I could never be that miserable at the world, and I fucking hate my life right now... Of course I know that my demons and my hell in this world are not of my own making, and if it was not for one factor and one factor alone, my son, i would be In Windsor and i would not be alone, my life would have taken a different path, the fact that people around me are constantly returning to paths i long ago rejected and any further association with them just drags me down to a dark level, I have my own fucking reasons to be dark and angry and stand aside from the normal world, But i am not going to be a martyr for anyone else causes, no one was there to catch me when I fell, why the hell should I be there for people who constantly fuck me over and then go right back to the same behaviors they have always said they would not return to... I would rather be alone than to crawl back to anyone, I would rather be starving than to eat the fruit of a poisonous tree, there is only so much you can do in this world without realizing that some people you can't save, the difference being, for a long time, most of my life in fact, i have willing walked alongside the abyss, knowing that at anytime i could fall in, and like a lover the abyss will embrace me and I will finally be at peace, i will finally be at home... It's better to have a black soul than no soul at all.... and i will never sacrifice my beliefs, my ethics or my character to be someone else.... and i'm sick of seeing other's that can't accept that in my life and in their own, we all make our choices, Are you strong enough to stand by yours if they end up being the wrong ones?Current Mood: Angry, Hungry.
When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.
Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harms we do, we do to ourselves.
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