Skip to main content

Ghosts Of War III

the patience level is NIL. I Have to get to a fucking point in my life where i start to break and kick down walls and change the world because no one is going to do it for me, I wish i could draw on the anger and resentment of the world that i had when was younger and the more i have to do without my child and the things i need Like A Job, for a normal fucking life the longer than anger and resentm,ent grows, How fucking sad is it that my life changed in one single night back in 2000, and the things that i did then for fun like busking I now have to do for fucking survival, even in university, i never had to busk to eat, I did it for fun, now i am doing it for my next fucking meal and a pack of cigarettes, I need to focus and clear my fucking name and make the Hell that has been created and get rid of it in my life, We are all reflective of our own choices, but i do Not deserve this, i shouldn't have to think everyday about my next move on the chess board because of how it will affect me financially or with the supports i currently have in place, There are things i could be doing like a job, but i am afraid to take them just in case it fucks up what is more important in my life,, I should not be fighting this battle, I should not be in this war, My battles should be long behind me, But as long as both of us still shall live, this will continue.

Current Mood: Angry.
The world only makes sense when you force it to.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.
Post a Comment
Read more

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...
Post a Comment
Read more