Skip to main content

Ghosts Of War III

the patience level is NIL. I Have to get to a fucking point in my life where i start to break and kick down walls and change the world because no one is going to do it for me, I wish i could draw on the anger and resentment of the world that i had when was younger and the more i have to do without my child and the things i need Like A Job, for a normal fucking life the longer than anger and resentm,ent grows, How fucking sad is it that my life changed in one single night back in 2000, and the things that i did then for fun like busking I now have to do for fucking survival, even in university, i never had to busk to eat, I did it for fun, now i am doing it for my next fucking meal and a pack of cigarettes, I need to focus and clear my fucking name and make the Hell that has been created and get rid of it in my life, We are all reflective of our own choices, but i do Not deserve this, i shouldn't have to think everyday about my next move on the chess board because of how it will affect me financially or with the supports i currently have in place, There are things i could be doing like a job, but i am afraid to take them just in case it fucks up what is more important in my life,, I should not be fighting this battle, I should not be in this war, My battles should be long behind me, But as long as both of us still shall live, this will continue.

Current Mood: Angry.
The world only makes sense when you force it to.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...