Better of Two Evils

I am seriously getting to the fucking point where i am sick of Hamilton, what have I accomplished since I left Windsor? I am seriously thinking of just packing a bag and leaving this city for good with nothing more than my guitar... the lack of patience i have for the fact that my little world here is slowly becoming a prison and everything in my life is moving at the speed of slow...I don't feel anything, I can't see anything... there is no fucking point to me staying somewhere where I have become very stagnant, the only tommorow i see is elsewhere, Hamilton is just a battlefield, a place where most of my battles have been fought and lost, there was no point in coming back, it's pretty sad i can't even call it home... but of course manipulators get what they want, meanwhile I get to stay poor and lose everything.....If i'm going to wallow in shit and have nothing, what the fuck am i doing it here for, I can go home to Windsor and have my guitar and my friends and at least have some semblance of fucking happiness.

Current Mood: Angry.
There are seeds of self-destruction in all of us that will bear only unhappiness if allowed to grow.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

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