Use Your Fist and Not Your Mouth.

Determination is the first and last thing when it comes to my life, without it i would not have survived all of the hells i have experienced in my life...I will never back down from anything when i know that i am not in the wrong, It hasn't been my choice to make my life and the life of my child's hell, it is beyond fathomable that things would turn out this way, but of course when you are dealing with the most vindictive of persons there is no choice, I have to stand strong and not be defeated, i have to sit here and be the strongest person i know when even inside i am breaking down, I have to bottle up all my anger and hate towards the situation, it's not the easiest even when you can see the other person that is trying to destroy you constantly failing, but until i can prove that failure i am at the mercy and misery of her lies and bullshit....At least in my world, one doesn't use their mouth to end their fights, when I get into a fight i always go ready to win and ready to lose, but if i'm gonna lose i'm gonna use my fists.... I'm gonna go down swinging...always fighting for what i believe in, and who is most important in my life.

Current Mood: Determined.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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