Use Your Fist and Not Your Mouth.

Determination is the first and last thing when it comes to my life, without it i would not have survived all of the hells i have experienced in my life...I will never back down from anything when i know that i am not in the wrong, It hasn't been my choice to make my life and the life of my child's hell, it is beyond fathomable that things would turn out this way, but of course when you are dealing with the most vindictive of persons there is no choice, I have to stand strong and not be defeated, i have to sit here and be the strongest person i know when even inside i am breaking down, I have to bottle up all my anger and hate towards the situation, it's not the easiest even when you can see the other person that is trying to destroy you constantly failing, but until i can prove that failure i am at the mercy and misery of her lies and bullshit....At least in my world, one doesn't use their mouth to end their fights, when I get into a fight i always go ready to win and ready to lose, but if i'm gonna lose i'm gonna use my fists.... I'm gonna go down swinging...always fighting for what i believe in, and who is most important in my life.

Current Mood: Determined.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

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