From the Ashes II: The Dark Phoenix

My life may be coming apart, But it is clear to me after other's actions yesterday that I am not alone in that, and that the way you behave towards people may have an everlasting effect upon everyone around you... I hope I am never that miserable and never see the world as somewhere where it has to be a certain way.. i get it.. the world is crumbling around and you are struggling for some semblance of order... but the truth is you don't treat friends and family trying to help you in that way, I can't and won't take sides... even tho this whole thing is resulting in me losing my home and security of the last three years toooo.. this was my home as well... but a little respect goes a long way for a reason And i don't like being treated like dogshit... I can be an asshole too but out of respect I was not... Things are clearer now and I am less angry about the situation even tho I am still as torn up about the situation, but I know how to deal with adversity and changes constantly coming at me in my life like Bullet's rapid fire... i can deal I have defense mechanisms and safety shields in place to protect me and my child...this is why I am not the most trustful person and It is hard to let anyone in to become a friend... I am too used to too often being betrayed.. this is why Windsor is currently a serious consideration... I have peace there... I have people other than family that have my back..not bound by blood but by friendship.. I have options and I would rather examine all of them than get miserable in my situation and just let that dark energy consume me.

Current Mood: Not Amused.
Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

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