In My Darkest Hour

What the Hell? I needed you a while back and you didn't bother, but suddenly you initiate contact and I'm supposed to care or give a damn.. you could have made a fucking difference when it meant something... but Now i don't know... this battle is so damn hard.. and make no fucking mistake as with everything in my life I am doing it alone with no fucking distraction from the fairer sex.... I'm just as messed up as you are.. but you know what I deal with it... i'm hurting so much right now.. more than you will ever know... you're presense here complicates things in my mind... I have to hold you at bay.. right now I can't afford emotional attachments or to be looking one or many steps behind... it's about who i am right now.. it's about being Who I am.. and always have been, It's about standing stall for who and what I believe in.... I can't look back.. and I won't... Even when I want to... At one's ultimate challenge and crucible you find out the Iron that they are made of.... and when one didn't answer the call then, why Should I ask you to be a part of me now? you made a choice, you like everyone else in my entire adult Life... walked away.... i'm not walking away from the one thing that matter's i'm making a stand I'm fighting... I've already endured the fire and flames of my darkest hour... No one was there.... Now it's time to find some fucking available light...

Current Mood: Hurting.
But a true champion, face to face with his darkest hour, will do whatever it takes to rise above. A man fights, and fights, and then fights some more. Because surrender is death, and death is for pussies.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Search This Blog