In My Darkest Hour

What the Hell? I needed you a while back and you didn't bother, but suddenly you initiate contact and I'm supposed to care or give a damn.. you could have made a fucking difference when it meant something... but Now i don't know... this battle is so damn hard.. and make no fucking mistake as with everything in my life I am doing it alone with no fucking distraction from the fairer sex.... I'm just as messed up as you are.. but you know what I deal with it... i'm hurting so much right now.. more than you will ever know... you're presense here complicates things in my mind... I have to hold you at bay.. right now I can't afford emotional attachments or to be looking one or many steps behind... it's about who i am right now.. it's about being Who I am.. and always have been, It's about standing stall for who and what I believe in.... I can't look back.. and I won't... Even when I want to... At one's ultimate challenge and crucible you find out the Iron that they are made of.... and when one didn't answer the call then, why Should I ask you to be a part of me now? you made a choice, you like everyone else in my entire adult Life... walked away.... i'm not walking away from the one thing that matter's i'm making a stand I'm fighting... I've already endured the fire and flames of my darkest hour... No one was there.... Now it's time to find some fucking available light...

Current Mood: Hurting.
But a true champion, face to face with his darkest hour, will do whatever it takes to rise above. A man fights, and fights, and then fights some more. Because surrender is death, and death is for pussies.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Dying False King.

I am a ghost and a spectre in a lot of peoples lives that I have touched. Some I shouldn’t be, and some I have willingly walked away for my own mental health. I’m starting to get to that point with many things in my life agian. I thought it would be easier to live a simple life and just have fun but I think it’s harder than when I worked my face off as a father. At least then my enemies didn’t pretend to be my freinds and the world wasn’t falling apart slowly. Just my world. I think I prefer whatever that was then compared to what the world is now. I have my own life and adventures and I don’t need anyone that doesn’t want or need to be in my life. I have fun with what I do and don’t let negative sources affect my life. If you’re gonna drag me down, I’ll be gone. That’s how it works. You’re not going to disturb my fucking peace. That’s what the metal shows are for. That is anger’s release. Plus to have fun.

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