Skip to main content

The Devil You Know....

Sometimes i do think it would be easier just to fuck off to windsor and leave everything of my life here that i have built over the past 9 years behind... It's too much of a daily struggle.. I don't like arguments about moving when I am the one who is being forced to give up my safety and security because of your personal situation, I have rights and while i'm trying to make my exit as graceful and as fucking polite as i can make it without starting another battle... it's still annoying to hear a set date earlier than the one you have given me.. I am losing patience with the world.. with the whole fucking house hunt and with the city of hamilton. It would be very easy for me to completely disappear and throw everything in storage and just not give a fuck anymore... Victoria is also tempting as i would be able to start over, but doing that sacrifices the only fucking thing in my life that has any meaning anymore... I just wish this was as easier process i'm sick of living day to day by my wits i'm sick of dealing with the two faced people and I'm sick of being controlled like i have no free will of my own.. maybe I should have been a deadbeat dad.. i had my freinds, my academics, my life, my safety and my security up in Windsor... Why did i sacrifice all that away? why Did I leave... to have this Unholy hell unleashed upon me... and every time i try and do the right fucking thing i keep getting knocked down.. whether it be by one corrupt system or another... I'll tell you this much.. I will fight the system I won't be backed into a fucking door again and have the things I hold valuble in my life taken away because i won't fucking play by their goddamn rules.

Current Mood: Depressed, Angry... (a bad combination.)
Do not be dismayed to learn there is a bit of the devil in you. There is a bit of the devil in us all.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...