Black Christmas II

As time passes, things change everyday
But wounds, wounds heal
But scars still remain the same
But tomorrow today's gone down in flames
Throw the match, set the past up ablaze

Another day, Another battle... But this time I was getting the Upper hand by merely doing things I'm supposed and having the facts prepared and letting them destroy themselves with their own words. merry Christmas Nicholas, for the first time since this ordeal began I do believe that Vindication is in sight.. when i get a lawyer backtracking on her own bullshit words because they know i have them boxed into a corner, the more i can do to prove the man I am the better i am and then fucking know it... this will be the last Christmas without Him, and that's not just a promise that's an absolute eventuality... it's time to deal with all of this and end this.. I will be setting a date the next time and making sure that this is the end, I am enjoying the holiday season so far even tho there is something missing within the heart that hollow feeling that i already have, but my life has taken a turn for a better i just have to use the positive momentum positively and don't fall into old habits or get distracted, it's time to only focus on the things i need to focus on nothing else, it's also time to focus on the people that are important in my life that I can spend time with and be thankful for that.

Current Mood: Sad, Determined.
Current Music: Eminem, Beautiful Pain' (ft. Sia)
No matter what I do, I'll come to the same end…termination.
Christmas is a holiday that persecutes the lonely, the frayed, and the rejected.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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