Black Christmas II

As time passes, things change everyday
But wounds, wounds heal
But scars still remain the same
But tomorrow today's gone down in flames
Throw the match, set the past up ablaze

Another day, Another battle... But this time I was getting the Upper hand by merely doing things I'm supposed and having the facts prepared and letting them destroy themselves with their own words. merry Christmas Nicholas, for the first time since this ordeal began I do believe that Vindication is in sight.. when i get a lawyer backtracking on her own bullshit words because they know i have them boxed into a corner, the more i can do to prove the man I am the better i am and then fucking know it... this will be the last Christmas without Him, and that's not just a promise that's an absolute eventuality... it's time to deal with all of this and end this.. I will be setting a date the next time and making sure that this is the end, I am enjoying the holiday season so far even tho there is something missing within the heart that hollow feeling that i already have, but my life has taken a turn for a better i just have to use the positive momentum positively and don't fall into old habits or get distracted, it's time to only focus on the things i need to focus on nothing else, it's also time to focus on the people that are important in my life that I can spend time with and be thankful for that.

Current Mood: Sad, Determined.
Current Music: Eminem, Beautiful Pain' (ft. Sia)
No matter what I do, I'll come to the same end…termination.
Christmas is a holiday that persecutes the lonely, the frayed, and the rejected.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

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