Black Christmas II

As time passes, things change everyday
But wounds, wounds heal
But scars still remain the same
But tomorrow today's gone down in flames
Throw the match, set the past up ablaze

Another day, Another battle... But this time I was getting the Upper hand by merely doing things I'm supposed and having the facts prepared and letting them destroy themselves with their own words. merry Christmas Nicholas, for the first time since this ordeal began I do believe that Vindication is in sight.. when i get a lawyer backtracking on her own bullshit words because they know i have them boxed into a corner, the more i can do to prove the man I am the better i am and then fucking know it... this will be the last Christmas without Him, and that's not just a promise that's an absolute eventuality... it's time to deal with all of this and end this.. I will be setting a date the next time and making sure that this is the end, I am enjoying the holiday season so far even tho there is something missing within the heart that hollow feeling that i already have, but my life has taken a turn for a better i just have to use the positive momentum positively and don't fall into old habits or get distracted, it's time to only focus on the things i need to focus on nothing else, it's also time to focus on the people that are important in my life that I can spend time with and be thankful for that.

Current Mood: Sad, Determined.
Current Music: Eminem, Beautiful Pain' (ft. Sia)
No matter what I do, I'll come to the same end…termination.
Christmas is a holiday that persecutes the lonely, the frayed, and the rejected.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

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