Another year ends, Another year of absolute fucking No forward movement, somehow i am both less angry and more angry and the way my life is.. More people have fucked me over this year than usual and yet this has been a better year than the last two, while i can see positive things moving forward, i am still under a cloud of fucking darkness and i Feel that i still need to be ready and armed for war constantly..I don't see anything except pain around me but I have things that have affected my vision differently thru all the fucking strife, one is the fact that I am not the only person i care about having to deal with a similar struggle, which is fucking bullshit. the other is the fact any time i go down in pain or by the betrayal of another, I emerge Brighter, Hotter and Angrier like the Phoenix and I usually burn away any parts of my past that no longer suit me or are needed, I've made some mistakes over the past year including trusting someone i shouldn't because she was only out to take advantage for her own needs and eventually proved herself to be a psychopath, a liar and a thief... but still at a smaller level then my true enemy the one i can't walk away from, no matter the pain of battle... whatever she does I'll stand her defending against.. there is more at stake than belongings or my sanity, it's about that not so little boy, the only one i will likely ever have, as long as there is a chance to protect him from doing any more damage to his little soul, I'll fight. this is the last war i will ever fight, No matter how long it takes, this is only the third year of Hell, I'm expecting a fourth. I'll just have to imagine that the fire isn't burning my face.
Current Mood:Determined.
It's an awful truth that suffering can deepen us, give a greater lustre to our colours, a richer resonance to our words.
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