A Good Man Goes To War II : Legacy

I'm not having a great time in my life right now, I can't feel much except darkness because everything in my life turned to shit and my little boy's things have been stolen, it's not the fact that i can replace them, it's the fact that i have been dealing with this insanity for over three years and i feel so fucking powerless.. there's not much i can do except hold the thorns in my hands that i have been dealt and turn them into a fist... that's exactly who I am, the survivor, the warrior, The war, the battle,the anger, the rage, the Fist, the Armageddon, Never the Victim, Never pretending to be one... i Know exactly who I am, You can't fucking destroy a wall that will stand after the fire... and I've been burning since the day i was born...but it's not about me... it's about making a better world for those that come after me, the important ones... there's only one reason I fight even when I'm falling apart... that's the only thing's that drives me, not the anger, not revenge, not the heart beating in my chest that does not exist, the only thing that drives me is the promise of tomorrows victory... this time of year should be a good and happy time for me and it isn't. Fuck you Jennifer.

Current Mood: Angry, Sad.
Current Music: Legacy, Eminem
Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

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