Skip to main content

Black Christmas III

Yup, it's that time of year again, the pain is dulled this year as i have managed to keep both mind and soul distracted, but i am still very tempted to go into niagara and drop off a gift or three under the door if for nothing else so he has them, but i can see the end of the battle coming, this will be the last time i spend the holiday's without him, i Have people around me to feel my blessings and I will spend time with them even tho he is never very far from my heart currently... there is darkness this holiday around us and not just me, but it's also a year for celebration as thing's have improved... I am finally feeling comfortable in my new place and i will be very happy when i can get him their to check out his new room, some decisions of the past year are becoming easily forgot... I am looking forward to the holiday tomorrow for the first time in a few years even if i still miss my little boy..Santa claus will come, there will be gift's for you under the tree when I finally get you home... just like every other year. I can imagine this will be a different christmas as well for you, and I feel that and wish with every part of my soul i could be there, but at least i will be there in spirit. You're Daddy has and never will forget about you, Merry Christmas Son, I'll see you soon. This isn't a time for anger or hatred, just know when you read this that I wished you were here, and I tried as hard as I could to get you here. Next year, I promise.....

Current Mood: Sad.
Current Music: Twisted Sister,I'll Be Home For Christmas
The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Trees.

  I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about.  I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love.  Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love.  The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do.  And only one of us has it. 
Post a Comment
Read more

Return To The Abyss.

If anyone thinks they can take advantage of me and the people I care about, they are sadly mistaken. I walk away from people I love because of their bullshit. Someone who is merely there in my life? Yeah, I’m fucking out. I don’t need emotional vampires that suck me dry in my life. I will walk away from anything and everything at this point. I no longer give a damn about anything other than myself when it comes to your opinion.  This decision and many others have been a long fucking time coming and to be honest I’m better off doing my own thing alone and solo. Because it’s better off for all involved. There’s still a temper and there is still the old me hidden underneath this attempt at seeking peace. I’m not a nice guy, I’ve never claimed to be a nice guy. And I’m not keeping my fucking mouth shut.  No one fucking uses me, Period. And thats all I’ve felt I’ve been over the last few years. By a number of people in my professional life and my personal life. So maybe at this mom...
Post a Comment
Read more