Black Christmas III

Yup, it's that time of year again, the pain is dulled this year as i have managed to keep both mind and soul distracted, but i am still very tempted to go into niagara and drop off a gift or three under the door if for nothing else so he has them, but i can see the end of the battle coming, this will be the last time i spend the holiday's without him, i Have people around me to feel my blessings and I will spend time with them even tho he is never very far from my heart currently... there is darkness this holiday around us and not just me, but it's also a year for celebration as thing's have improved... I am finally feeling comfortable in my new place and i will be very happy when i can get him their to check out his new room, some decisions of the past year are becoming easily forgot... I am looking forward to the holiday tomorrow for the first time in a few years even if i still miss my little boy..Santa claus will come, there will be gift's for you under the tree when I finally get you home... just like every other year. I can imagine this will be a different christmas as well for you, and I feel that and wish with every part of my soul i could be there, but at least i will be there in spirit. You're Daddy has and never will forget about you, Merry Christmas Son, I'll see you soon. This isn't a time for anger or hatred, just know when you read this that I wished you were here, and I tried as hard as I could to get you here. Next year, I promise.....

Current Mood: Sad.
Current Music: Twisted Sister,I'll Be Home For Christmas
The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

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