Skip to main content

Dark Christmas.

Another year, Another missing part of soul, But it's over with for another year..I'm happy but there is a huge part of my life that is missing right now, and i am Sad. i have SuperHero's and transformers and nice things at home hiding in a closet that should have been under a tree, and it's frustrating that i don't have that opportunity, I keep trying to decide whether or not i should just leave something at the door like i have in years past but i can't fight the darkness and apathy provided so i will just continue to have the things hidden away and be terribly sad, This isn't the way things should be but it is the way things are, so even tho i am frustrated and hurting i am enjoying myself this christmas, and I hoping to next year have him playing with his cousin's and eating plant's again... god i miss him terribly this time of year and it hurt's like hell. At least i am surrounded by family and people i care about and that's exactly where i should be right now, it does bring a semblance of happiness in my life and I am grateful for that, there's just the hollowness that never quite goes away, no matter where i'm at or where i go.

Current Mood: Sad.
Some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80. It’s not the time that matters, it’s the person.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change  This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you. 
Post a Comment
Read more

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Villian

I've never gave a rats ass about being the bad guy. But I have cared about being a fairweather freind and how I reflect on being a role model to my son. I will walk away from any bad actors or bad relationships that endanger the relationship I am slowly attempting to rebuild.  I know I can be a prick. But when you hurt someone I care about, I do not trust you that you may affect those I care about. I burn bridges with gasoline while I'm standing upon them.  It wont be the first multiple decade freindship ive demolished, it won't be the last. Im starting to reevaluate a lot of drinking buddies agian to see who is actually something and who I just party with. If I'm obviously moving in a direction thats going to have me ghosting someone whose been around for a minute, so be it. It wont even be the first one this year. I dont look back. And I dont care, if I exclude you from my life, thats an ending that's where its done.  I am making choices for my future and its pret...
Post a Comment
Read more