Regardless of who or what I am or am not, It is disheartening to know that I am not the only one hurting this time of year and I wish i could so much more to be fucking supportive, Our lives and decisions are our own, but i wish the fates and the circumstances were different so that things would work out better and the innocents affected by all of this wouldn't have such a difficult time, while I may have moved past the long night of anger and depression most of the time it still simmers and i can see traces of that in another person's eyes because the wound for her is so much fresher, I've learned to live with it, like a scar that will never fucking go away.... but she shouldn't have to and it's frustrating to see it.... this isn't the way the world is supposed to work, one day i will meet my maker, I will be brining ammunition and I will be asking questions... and he will be brought to task for the answers... history should not even remotely repeat itself, and worse children should be with both parent's on the holidays, no matter what. i may be damned but i embrace that willingly, I have chosen a darker path for myself most of my life and it has been my strength even in the darkest of hours, but that it not everyone's choice... there are innocent souls here, the one's that matter, the one's that shouldn't know the darkness, the little boys on both sides of the sets of eyes i saw through today are just that innocent's, children that should have both parent's in their lives without all the strife and conflict are the only one's being denied... not me, but it is not very easy to see the pain in another's eye's to remember once, that was me... when it was fresh... and it fucking sucks to see someone i care about going thru the same kind of pain... i wish that i could take it all away... make it the way it is supposed to be, but that has never been the ongoing story of anyone's life, especially ours.
Current Mood: Sadder, at peace with a lot of my demons.
I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other.
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