Skip to main content

Hell: The Sequel.

I'm sick of feeling this nothing in my life, I know that i am a nihilist I am proud of that fact, but the fact i get up every morning looking at this great big pile of nothing that is my fucking life... it's not about who I was or even about who I am, i need to find reasons to keep going everyday and recently i have been fucking falling short more often than fucking not and that's frustrating. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but i feel that i constantly have to be on the attack and that is hard to do when the truck is running on fucking fumes because i'm fucking broke, it's even more annoying when I am making other's fucking money and they don't see the assistance i am giving them or the fact that i am constantly in debt and sometimes because of them, it's very frustrating when the world i play in is the only world i am given to deal with at the moment. i want to go back to fucking normality and have a job, preferbly my job but at this point any fucking job will do and have the things that I once had, the fucking things she took away from me.. happiness, my child, a stable fucking income.... I hate and I will continue to hate.. and it is well deserved and will never be an act that will or can be fucking forgiven. whatever i am now, whoever I am now.. i know exactly who Made me this way and It was never my choice. for every second of hell i have endured these last three years i hope you get it back one hundredfold. there will be a time and place for judgement and you will be found out and you will burn....

Current Mood: Depressed, Angry, Hungry.

They must be punished. All of them. All of those who dare to live and love and dare to be happy when he can never know these things. He must be patient. He has had to wait before. Time is meaningless to one such as he. And after all... he has his hate to keep him warm.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...