The Great Darkness Saga III

It's time to be proactive in my life and move onto the next fucking step in my life, I can't allow all the apathy i currently feel to stall me, I need to feel the fire and the anger and be exactly who i need to be and be angry... that's the fuel, allowing myself to be at peace and letting things like days pass me by because i'm powerless at the current moment is a fools errand, it's time to be the warrior i always am and take the battle to them, it's time to fight, it's time to make people feel the heat from the fire as it burns them, I can't just sit and wait and hope things will improve... it's time to end this. this is my battle and my battle alone and I must fight it to my dying day, it's not my soul on the line and I am not the victim here, I feel the pain but so does he and that's what's important, that's what needs to be remebered i can sit all day and feel remorseful and dark and not do anything or i can use that darkness, that energy that fire, I can use it and i can rise up and i can fucking fight, I can survive and I can win, that's exactly the person i need to be right now, it is much to easy for me to be to be distracted and let things stay as they are because right now things are doing ok, in my opinion that's bullshit, juts because i've accepted a certian status quo in my life currently doesn't mean that I'm not hungry, that i don't have a fire in my fucking belly... I have always been a better person when i've been angry, when i've had rage... when i've had to fight it's made me stronger, Never forgot that. and i've been fighting for longer than i remeber.

Current Mood: Angry, Determined.
"Attack" is the only order worth remembering.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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