Skip to main content

My Own Private Hell.

If you're going through hell, keep going

I almost wonder if sometimes the reason i let the world pass me by and get comfortable with the status quo is because every time i try and do something fucking proactive it seems like the walls close in on me.. dealing with these so called professionals and idiots really pisses me off, playing games and using the doubletalk is fucking annoying.. I've worked in the same walls you have, I have dealt with the same ethics you do.. but telling me that i need to deal with a lawyer for my own personal situation when i am unfucking represented in is starting to become a fucking piss off... the thirty peices of silver was paid and a pint of blood.. I have a battle to fight and I am sick of getting fucking brick walls from fucking so called professionals... there's a reason i have a dislike of authority and there is/was a reason i held myself to a higher standard when i was amongst you... of course, the higher the standard the farther the fall..I am sitting here with my hands in the dirt trying to battle back from the edges of hell but it seems like every time i get a little close or i have any movement or leverage in my life, in my war.. i get told by the systems of control in the matrix to stay where I am and let the fucking professionals take care of it... Wrong.. it's my and my son's life only.. I'll take the fucking reins and direct them where they may go.. if their are any more bullshit i'll fucking tear into you with furious anger and unapolgetic fury... that's what this world and these professionals and their system of control has made me... I am a rabid beast and a Wild dog but i am only trying to protect my pup... I wish these idiots could see that.

Current Mood: Angrier.
I think hell is something you carry around with you. Not somewhere you go.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.
Post a Comment
Read more

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...
Post a Comment
Read more