Skip to main content

Dangerous Games


Do not concern yourself with what I have done; rather tremble at the thought of what I am about to do.


I hate having emotions. I wish I could just bottle it up and let it all fade away. I've moved on before and burn bridges. Why can't I now. I have a future that's what I should be Looking towards... Not some history in another place and time.. I know what keeps my rooted in the past, it shouldn't define my daily life right now...

I walk away... I don't care.. I am the gasoline that burns the bridge. Why the hell am I conflicted about doing so, I shouldn't be. I should be angry and full of hate.. that's what I am fucking good at. No one wants me to succeed anyways... Long as things are status quo it's good... I don't do status fucking quo... I never have.

I don't know how I feel. I have fought for a decade and I have a million emotional responses right now to everything in my life, and then we are in a goodamn worldwide pandemic and I'm isolated and truly seeing people for what they are in my life... I'm not liking what I'm seeing. I remember exactly what holiday this and the date that is quickly approaching... I remember. I don't hold back, I will not fade away not this time.

I'm sick of being the better person and the bigger person.. I'm an asshole and the person you've turned into a fucking demon. So if I'm gonna be the fucking villian.. I'm cool with that.. but I quit this on my terms.... I know exactly what it's going to cost me... The same wound down my side, right into my soul you constantly inflict... But this time I'm choosing it because I have other things in my life I'm not willing to lose that are more important.

You're manipulation no longer works. It's all a mind game. That being said.. just fucking remember who taught you how to play chess. I will always be one move ahead.. except when I quit playing that game.  And I am done playing this game.

I'm not responsible for the shit in our lives you blame me for.... But I'm used to you playing the victim and me the villian. I'm done caring. I'm done with. I've moved on and I'm fucking happy leave me alone.


I did love being a hero, but if this is where it leads, I'm done with it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...
Post a Comment
Read more

51.

Happy birthday.  Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.
Post a Comment
Read more