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Judas...


Not all people are obsessed with love in their life, some are just are obsessed to need a villain because they want to be a Hero.

I have not forgotten the weekend you took everything away and which holiday it was... That wound was cut deep and has never healed.  It will never heal. I know exactly what was taken away and what can never be reclaimed. There is no forgiveness for that. I would never offer it anyways.

I used to know where I stood with you. I used to know where I stood with the world. As long as I stood agianst you, I had something to fight. I will never be with you agian... But I am done fighting with you as well. I need to find peace in my mind and not stay in the same place on this bullshit nostalgia tour. I have things, people I care for, someone else that I love, and I am very aware of what the current moment is... It's just you entering my life and trying to take the little I have left.... I do believe there is doubt, I damn well know there is guilt, but 9 years ago on this holiday you took everything that was well and good from me and stripped it from my soul. You don't get to do it agian, no matter what it costs me... I know how deep the knife cuts this me... And the wound might as well be self inflicted... I may lose my son agian, I may give him an actual reason to hate me... But you're false and empty promises are just that.. I'm a ghost and a shadow of you're past, a nostalgic memory that is both good and demonspawn from the gates of hell, of course I've never had an issue with being dark, you think it's the good parts of me that fueled the war? Do u think I could be strong agian agianst you for so long becaause of the good man I was? He's gone. Has been for almost a decade, only the bad parts remain, the good man wasnt a warrior. The warrior is what was left over when you took everything that was good from me, what was good from inside me, what was left over was the man you taught to hate. The man without a soul, the one that could inflict pain save for his honour and code, the morals you couldn't strip away. You did this to us, you did it. You turned me into the man I am today. Half a man, not even worthy of being called one. I lost everything, my family, my life, my career my freedom...

You come crawling for forgiveness, I have none to give, it's all a bullshit game.. that's all I will ever see it as. No smoke, no mirrors. Just the moment as it is. Crystal clarity. Jealousy. Anger, depression. I can't save you. I refuse to. I know that you took the innocence away... I know what you destroyed inside of me, and outside of me.

It will not be forgot.

I haven't forgotten that. You're promises will always be empty and another mindgame... I found peace.. but in this moment, above all others I remember when you betrayed an innocent to take me off the playing Feild. I remeber when I truly became the demon and the darkness I always claimed I was anyways... I know whose responsible for that at the end of this. We are done. We were done a very long time ago.

Leave me alone.

Keep you're false promises, I don't want them.

Judas.

What have I become, now that I've betrayed
Everyone I've ever loved, I pushed them all away
And I have been a slave to the Judas in my mind
Is there something left for me to save
In the wreckage of my life, my life

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