If you love me you love me for who and what I am, all the damaged and broken pieces along with the good. I know I am flawed and broken and that will never change. I will never change. That's the reality, you love me as I am or not at all. I'm going to be the individual I have always been and love the same way i Always have, but I don't change for people. I don't change for myself... As much as I would like to dearly for those i do truly love certain ways and emotions in my head are not going to change, the same goes for behaviors and actions.
I know I'm broken, I know I'm flawed, I know I have a damaged backstory, I am who I am because of those things not in spite of, and I am fucking legendary.
But I am not going to change my actions and behaviors to be a perfect person for anyone.. I can't. It's too tied to my core beliefs about being independent and my own person that I can't. There have been times in my life I have not been allowed to be my own person and times I've had to stand in the wreckage and burning flames of my life and stand tall and move on.. alone. I haven't forgotten. I want someone beside desperately, but not if it comes at the expense of whatever's left of my rotting fucking broken soul. I'm always going to be me. That won't change.
I can lose friends even close ones.. I brush it off. It hurts but I let people be defined by their actions. Not mine. Those that I love, enterirely different animal. But if am defined by my actions, so be it.. so are they. Choose.
I will stop caring about those that I supposedly love or care about when they show true colours or prove that my loyalty is just a matter of degrees. I am complicated and being my friend, partner or family is fucking difficult. Trust me I understand that part....more than anyone I understand that. You don't live inside my head... I do. This brain case has a lot of skeletons rattling. There's a lot of secrets and scars. But I know who I am and who I am not.. and where I stand and how to behave and treat people.... And I will treat people the same based on my ethics, beliefs and morals accordingly. That's the choice I made.. it's always the choice I make.
It's why I'm a hero in some people's stories, and villian in another.... And in others I'm just a fucking forgotten ghost... Because that's my destiny. I chose what I represent to people. Everyone sees a different part or perspective. But I see clear. I know that at the end the only one standing tall at my side Is myself. Not family, not friends.. I'll be standing here alone.
Current Music: Stronger than I was, Eminem.
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