Skip to main content

Criminal



If you love me you love me for who and what I am, all the damaged and broken pieces along with the good. I know I am flawed and broken and that will never change. I will never change. That's the reality, you love me as I am or not at all. I'm  going to be the individual I have always been and love the same way i  Always have, but I don't change for people. I don't change for myself... As much as I would like to dearly for those i do truly love certain ways and emotions in my head are not going to change, the same goes for behaviors and actions.

I know I'm broken, I know I'm flawed, I know I have a damaged backstory, I am who I am because of those things not in spite of, and I am fucking legendary.  

But I am not going to change my actions and behaviors to be a perfect person for anyone.. I can't. It's too tied to my core beliefs about being independent and my own person that I can't. There have been times in my life I have not been allowed to be my own person and times I've had to stand in the wreckage and burning flames of my life and stand tall and move on.. alone. I haven't forgotten.  I want someone beside desperately, but not if it comes at the expense of whatever's left of my rotting fucking broken soul. I'm always going to be me. That won't change.

I can lose friends even close ones.. I brush it off. It hurts but I let people be defined by their actions. Not mine. Those that I love, enterirely different animal. But if am defined by my actions, so be it.. so are they. Choose.

I will stop caring about those that I supposedly love or care about when they show true colours or prove that my loyalty is just a matter of degrees. I am complicated and being my friend, partner or family is fucking difficult. Trust me I understand that part....more than anyone I understand that. You don't live inside my head... I do. This brain case has a lot of skeletons rattling. There's a lot of secrets and scars. But I know who I am and who I am not.. and where I stand and how to behave and treat people.... And I will treat people the same based on my ethics, beliefs and morals accordingly. That's the choice I made.. it's always the choice I make.  

It's why I'm a hero in some people's stories, and villian in another.... And in others I'm just a fucking forgotten ghost... Because that's my destiny. I chose what I represent to people. Everyone sees a different part or perspective. But I see clear. I know that at the end the only one standing tall at my side Is myself. Not family, not friends.. I'll be standing here alone.  



Current Music: Stronger than I was, Eminem.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more