I do not want this fucking virus to cost me my relationship... And right now it feels like that is exactly what is fucking happening... Emotionally maybe I need to pull back a little and create some boundaries with people but I don't want to lose the one person in my life that truly makes me happy after lifetimes of misery. I just want her to realize that. It fucking sucks that the black plague has returned and is destroying everything. I don't want the epitaph on this relationship to be the fucking coronavirus... I can fuck things up on my own just fine. I don't need this added stress of loving someone in a plague being the thing that tears us apart.
I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...
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