Skip to main content

Dues In Absentia


You're so goddamn frail

Failing for a change
You just had to know all about the world
But you will never know

...and it did cost me my relationship. Whatever. I have options. She's not the only one out there and maybe I know who my soulmate is after all... Even tho that way is damaged and broken and I don't want to look back. There is a third party involved who means everything to me. So yeah... The last year was fun and she fucking loved me when no one else didn't. But it's done and it's time to make some choices for me and my family.  There's only one person In that equation that truly fucking matters down there anyways. But this is a shitty fucking way to go out.

I am so fucking done with relationships now. If I can't be happy in them what the fuck is the point. I am no one ones second choice... I refuse to be I'd rather be fucking alone. I am fine alone, I've always been.

At least now I can speak my mind and not have someone judge me...this rabid dog doesn't like being muzzled by anyone and I won't be. You want cold. You'll be surprised at how cold my heart can get.

The world is on fire and I will be the artic circle not melting.

I'm a bad person, I'm a bad dude? I was a bad dude long before you fucking met me... I turned fucking 20 in the joint the day Tupac died. You either accept it or you don't. I don't care anymore. Not about you and not about the other dumb cunt in Niagara. I am always going to be the person I am and the sum of my fucking experiences, they have made me the man I am and the man I was... None of that has fucking changed or ever fucking will. I am a hard ass and I am set and broken in my ways.

What was taken away meant more to me than you realize, and that's why it won't be forgiven. I will love you.. you had me when the world was dark and proved I could love again and you will always mean something...

...but right now I am having fucking trouble accepting or dealing with it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 
Post a Comment
Read more

Return To The Abyss.

If anyone thinks they can take advantage of me and the people I care about, they are sadly mistaken. I walk away from people I love because of their bullshit. Someone who is merely there in my life? Yeah, I’m fucking out. I don’t need emotional vampires that suck me dry in my life. I will walk away from anything and everything at this point. I no longer give a damn about anything other than myself when it comes to your opinion.  This decision and many others have been a long fucking time coming and to be honest I’m better off doing my own thing alone and solo. Because it’s better off for all involved. There’s still a temper and there is still the old me hidden underneath this attempt at seeking peace. I’m not a nice guy, I’ve never claimed to be a nice guy. And I’m not keeping my fucking mouth shut.  No one fucking uses me, Period. And thats all I’ve felt I’ve been over the last few years. By a number of people in my professional life and my personal life. So maybe at this mom...
Post a Comment
Read more