Skip to main content

Mary on A Cross




I will never be someone's second choice. You choose him... You played me like a fucking fool and choose him. I'm so fucking done. You played with my heart and my emotions and made me think there was something there. There isn't. I'm not going to crucify myself for someone who isn't 100 percent there in my life... These coffin nails in my hands bleed for no one that truly doesn't have my side... You either love me or you fucking don't. I got my answer. I'm fine with it. But it'll take a lot for me to forgive, sometimes it's just easier to fucking forget.

It's ok I'm used to it. Every one goes.. no one stays. I don't give a damn anymore. The only person that I can trust to have my back is me. That's how it is. That's always how it is. 

I'd rather be alone and know it than have someone pretend that I'm the only one when I am clearly fucking not. I'll learn to deal with it. 

The world is in flames and I have bigger real world concerns than relationship... I don't want one anyways. I'd rather die alone than ever have to have someone depend on me ever fucking again.  

I'm cursed and I am poison. And I no longer give a fuck. Because that way leads madness... So instead I'll let.others with their own self destructive personalities destroy themselves... I have my own path to ruin. At this way, I die alone. No casualties. 

Full speed ahead to self destruction. No regrets and no lookin back. I'm not gonna die on this cross for anyone but myself. But I'm gonna live 200 miles an hour for the rest of my life till I hit that wall... Till it kills me.

No regrets. Anyone that thinks I'm going to be there forever for them is sadly mistaken. My heart is cold. I don't chase people, I just stop.

That's what I'm doing right now.

Stopping.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more